I have been a blog lurker for long enough

I am going to venture out and give this a whirl. I am not a writer. I am not a poet. I am a very private and sometimes paranoid person . . . So this is a real adventure for me: sharing my reproductive misadventures in a blog.

I have read so many posts from other brave women who are navigating the infertility super highway and I have found laughter, comfort and hope in those blogs.

I am blogging for the “therapy” of putting it all into words somewhere . . . But if this ends up being read, or better yet if it helps someone else find laughter, comfort or hope then it will be worth every keystroke twice over!

I agonized over the blog title. There are so many clever ones already out there. I could think of nothing original. I may change mine later but for now this will do. Being stuck on a title has been my excuse for not starting at all so let’s ditch that!

Fortune cookies have become a recent obsession of sorts. I am not a religious person. I believe in God sometimes, and in god other times. When I am really angry at the universe, I believe in neither. Fortune cookies seem as sensible to me as any astrology chart, new age practice or organized religion for that matter. But cynic that I am I still look for shreds of hope or insight in the most unlikely places. I often find myself wishing for a crystal ball or a magic wand. (Seriously, wouldn’t they be handy??) So is it really such a stretch to find comfort in a fortune? Even if it comes in the form of a little slip of paper inside of an unexciting cookie that came with an equally unexciting take-out lunch?

Fortune cookies are also rather open to interpretation. This seems to make them rather useful as titles or themes. They can be made to fit almost any mood or topic. That’s the premise anyway . . . We’ll see how it works out in practice!

So having rambled on . . . Which probably breaks some bogging etiquette or at least ensures that no one will read this yawn of a page . . .

I am here because infertility has taken over my life. It is what I wake up thinking about. It is what I plan my day around. It is what I dream at night. I am not proud of this and certainly not happy about it either. I cannot blame myself for the infertility (nor my husband for that matter, though I sometimes do). But I do think I am at least partially responsible for allowing it to make me miserable at times and partially crazy at others. I was a pretty together, fun and happy sort of woman before this “starting a family” thing went off the tracks. I miss her . . . I hope to find my way back to her . . . . Maybe the directions will be in my next fortune cookie?


One Response to “I have been a blog lurker for long enough”

  1. Lindy Says:

    Yay, yay and double yay! It’s about damn time, woman!

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