Making Peace with the A.R.T. of it all


I’m sure it can’t be just me. And honestly this feels like a bit of a jinx . . . but I am somewhat distressed about the high tech lab project our much wished for baby has become. I mean I am grateful for the technology, don’t get me wrong. And I don’t have any big moral or ethical issue about “messing with nature.” For me, it’s more about that fantasy version of life I held pre-infertility where I would meet Mr. Right, marry him on a beach, make mad passionate love and create a beautiful and brand new life as a result. Well, we did make it as far as the beach . . . so that’s something.

I am so sick of the bloodwork and the wanding and the drugs. Who wouldn’t be. But I can take it. Well, I have to, so I do. I want a baby that badly.

Now is it just plain silly or naive to be sad over the loss of love in all of this? I’ve been trying to make my peace with that aspect. I mean it does take love to get through all of this infertility jazz with each other’s support. But it is just not . . . well . . . romantic. I mean stirrups are not romantic unless there is a cowboy involved. Nor are catheters, probes, suppositories, bruised butt cheeks . . . and let’s not forget timed sex and no sex: abstaining to improve the “sample” but not for too long. Then the grande finale in togetherness the other half of this unequal equation of infertility dutifully pleasures himself into a plastic cup. (Now I realize that part is not entirely “fun” for him either but it sure beats my role in this all to hell!)

So I was trying to think about what if anything is natural about this. I will admit that the scientific part of my mind finds it all very fascinating to know what is going on on a cellular level but that is in theory and for other people! So where in nature do we even come close to lovemaking that resembles IVF? Well, frogs maybe. They have similarly unromantic approach. Mrs. Frog lays her eggs in some water and then Mr. Frog comes along and waves his magic wand across them so to speak. That’s natural and beautiful, right?

I guess the bottom line is that a baby is a beautiful thing to share when you’re in love. And if it’s creation gets a little complicated along the way . . . what the hell!

Bring on the Petri dish! We’re making a baby this month!

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4 Responses to “Making Peace with the A.R.T. of it all”

  1. Kath Says:

    I just found you through Thalia’s site. Well said! Good luck to you and welcome to the community!

  2. PortLairge Says:

    Bring on the petri-dish.

  3. D Says:

    Traditional romance does get totally sucked out of the baby making process with ART…but I think that there is a different kind of romance that emerges – the kind that comes from unconditional love and support thru the ups and downs of the process, the kind that comes from testing a relationship and having it come out stronger in the end. Now, I reallize no one would willingly choose this type of romance, but I’ll take what I can get since the drunken roll in the sack did not work!

    Wishing you luck and sanity!

  4. April Says:

    Bring it on indeed.

    Good luck to you and welcome aboard. I think that Michael and I loss some kinds of “romance” that we expected through the indignities that come part and parcel with ART – but as D said, I have learned to love and grow with him in a way I never thought possible.

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