How Would you Like your Eggs, Ma’am?

Warning this is about to be another disjointed, mixed up emotions kind of post!

The good news: Dr P. is very pleased with my ultrasound today. My RE did the scan today which is always a bonus because it gives me a chance to drill him with questions. (I am sure he loves that!) He estimates a nice even dozen for retrieval “or maybe more.” There is more action on the right than the left, but so far the follies are pretty equal in size, averaging about 12-14. He is concerned about the E2 “getting away from us” but this is mainly because I have tended to overstim in the past (IUI cycles). I have yet to hear today’s number** and whether my dose will be lowered or not. Overall I am happy with the egg report.

My B/P remains high. I asked Dr. P about it again and he said he’s not too worried but we’ll watch it. Then he says if it stays up though, anesthesia won’t put me to sleep. WHAT!! We can’t have that I told him. He reassured me that we still have time to watch it and treat it if needed. He better not plan to have me do this retrieval awake! That will make my B/P go really, really high!

So, I basically have all good news, so I should be smiling, right? So why have I been on the verge of tears on and off all day? Well, let’s see . . . I hate that I have to be doing this in the first place. I resent that we have male factor but I have to suffer all the treatments. I hate that in light of that fact, C. is being a toad. (He was off to a good start this cycle but it didn’t last long. As of last night, he is a toad, hence the four hours sleep.) I am ready to tell him to f* himself. Literally. I do not want to have sex with a toad just because the thought of using 2 week old*** sperm for my beautiful, hard won eggs and my $10,000 IVF lottery ticket makes me hyperventilate! As far as I’m concerned he can just get some “sample producing” practice in this week. This whole thing is so clinical. I need to get over that, but it really, really bothers me. (Obviously I have not truly made peace with the A.R.T. of it all.)

The BF issue is more or less resolved. I realized that I was seeing the relationship as I wanted to see it not as it truly is. I will maintain the friendship, but stop hoping for what is not there. As a wise woman pointed out: she is quite likely to give mommy assvice too, should I ever be lucky enough to need any. (Maybe mommy assvice will not hurt as much as IF assvice but I’m sure it will still be annoying!) As another wise woman suggested: I could try to educate BF on the yays and nays of what is helpful to say to an IF friend. It may be worth a try. I think I will wait until I am less hormonal lest I say something really b*tchy.

So, please forgive me Internets . . . here I am doing pretty well all things considered. NBHHY. (I love that one . . . I hope it’s OK to borrow it!) My dozen eggs are cooking (I prefer sunny side up) . . . and I am a miserable wench! Get a grip Beagle! So as a default I am blaming it on: the hormones! (And 4 hours sleep.)

**Just got the called from Nurse D. E2 is 425 which is still higher than RE would like for this early but bad either. I am to lower the Follistim dose to 50u. Menopur stays at 75u and Lupron stays at 5u. Next U/S and bloodwork: Friday 7:45 am.

***two weeks old because there’s been no romantic action around here. Between the usual busy-ness of life, my persistent sadness, and a persistent AF on Lupron I have not been playing the initiator. My theory is that if I can go through all this crap, then maybe C. can (at the very least) put a little effort into the good lov’in department. I not only hoped for this, but specifically and clearly asked it of him before we started this cycle. But no, he expects me to be in charge of that too! Grrrrr . . . . men!


8 Responses to “How Would you Like your Eggs, Ma’am?”

  1. Leggy Says:

    Just because others may have been through more doesn’t make the whole experience any less traumatic. I just found out I’m going to need heparin injections in my next cycle (I’ll do a blog update on it soon) and I’m kind of freaking out- even though I know many women have done it before.

    Sorry about the husband woes- it is tough to be the one bearing the brunt of everything all the time.

  2. Liz Says:

    Glad your RE is feeling positive. Hope your E2 doesn’t keep getting higher although your level doesn’t seem that high but b/c of your b/p that is a concern.

    Sorry about your DH…yes they can be toads.

  3. Lindy Says:

    It sounds like things are moving along just perfectly! And 12 or more sounds just right.

    Of course you’re on the verge of tears, sweetie! This is a shitty, shitty process. Even when it’s going well.

    I think the close monitoring during the stims phase was the worst part of the IVF cycle for me. Even worse than the two week wait. It’s just so incredibly stressful to be watching the numbers so closely and to know about all the ways things could go wrong.

    But rest assured that things are going very, very well!


  4. Lori Says:

    It sounds like things are moving right along. Hopefully your BP will cooperate – a retrieval without being put out just sounds nervewracking! Though others have made it through.
    Be easy on yourself, your body is going through a lot and you’re doing great.

  5. PortLairge Says:

    Your follies sound just perfect and your E2 while a little high is just fine.
    Is your BP still around the 130/92 range( I think that’s what it was yesterday) If so that is not high enough to withold anaesthesia. It’s not general anaesthesia it’s conscious sedation and it will probably lower your blood pressure(it did mine). Fight for it baby!
    As for C.-Make him have a wank. You’re right. It is good practice.

  6. mm Says:

    Husbands can be so aggravating when least expected and when we’re least able to tolerate them (ie while we’re jacked up on hormones). Ugh. Yeah, I’d tell him to get reacquainted with Rosy Palm and her five sisters, too.

  7. Claudia Says:

    I’m impressed you are even considering sex with hubby. When I cycled the hormones made me so huge, bloated, and emotional that the last thing I wanted was some sexual healing. Not…

    And yeah, your emotions are gonna be all over the board. Perfectly natural. It’d be odd if they weren’t.

    As far as husbands go, I might have the King Toad myself, so take it from someone who has been there, you can (and will!) get through this, even if your support system is less than optimal.

    Hang in there, and keep us posted.

  8. LB Says:

    Thinking of you Beagle! Hope you are keeping that chin up!

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