Hum Dee Dum Dum . . .

OK . . . so maybe I used up all my patience on bedrest over the past two days. Today got off to an early start. I had to stop for a P3 on the way to work. So here I am, earlier than usual . . . totally distracted with getting caught up on everyone’s Blognews. I am back at work in body (with my RE’s blessing) but not in spirit. I am also totally in suspense already about what’s happening with those three blasts in there! How will I last until the beta?

Then I sign on to blogger and certain internet pals are encouraging me to test early! Shame on you! What kind of advice is that?? Don’t you know that you don’t offer and alcoholic a drink and you don’t hand an HPT to a 2ww’er!! (note I have not figured out what to call the 2ww since with a day 5 transfer it is really a 9dw. As of today it is a 7dw!) At least if I cave in and test too early I can blame someone else!! LOL

OK. Deep breaths B. Think Zen. Think Patience. Visualize strongly attached embryos . . . dividing, growing . . .

Last night I asked C. what we should do about vacation plans. Well, let me backtrack here. He’s the “new guy” so they assigned his vacation week this first year, no choices. I know I should just be grateful that he finally gets one, but instead I am fretting about how bad the timing is since I will need to be around for bloodwork and ultrasounds, etc. He is thinking local day trips and maybe a romantic getaway at a reasonably close B&B or something for a few days. (OK, I added the romantic bit . . . he just wants to do something together, I read romantic into it.) Hell, I want to go to the Caribbean. Well, in theory anyway. I don’t actually fit into any of my summer clothes right now and the thought of a bathing suit . . . YIKES! Well, OK then we could jet off somewhere non-tropical but fun like maybe the Southwest or I don’t know . . . anywhere! So, we decide to stick around for a local holiday. Then I say . . . cautiously . . . maybe we should have a plan B in case it’s another BFN? He’s say no . . . Absolutely not. I say why? He says because it’s going to work.

Oh, to be THAT optimistic! Funny thing is I am rather optimistic this time (for me). I just feel so not my usual crazy anxious worried self that I am really pretty OK for the first time in a long while.

My current obsessions have nothing to do with the 2ww at all. I am fretting big time over the situation with soon to possibly be former best friend (STPBFBF). I ended up sending her an e-mail telling her how her comments made me feel. I made a point of starting and ending the note by expressing/stressing my sympathies for her loss. She has not replied. It’s been almost three weeks since the phone call. We normally e-mail several times a week. I also sent her a card. I guess I’ve been silently told and part of me says I guess it never was as much of a friendship as I imagined in the first place, but then part of me is questioning myself (what I do best!)

My other obsession is what to do about my art. I’ve lost my groove. I lost it pretty soon into the infertility thing. I keep thinking there must be some way to use my pottery to cope with the stress but instead I just can’t get my creative flow unstuck. I made just enough work to get through my holiday season shows but it was not the bliss it normally is to work at the potter’s wheel. It was a chore . . . every step of it. I used to love it so much that I can’t understand why I can’t even bring myself to go out to the studio and try.

Other than fretting about those non-essential things . . . I am just hanging out, watching the time pass rather slowly. Maybe I’ll get back to actually working here at work and the clock will speed up a bit!


3 Responses to “Hum Dee Dum Dum . . .”

  1. Thalia Says:

    I’m glad things are going well – to have three good blasts is really a good sign. I’d stay away from testing, myself. That way madness lies.

    Very sorry about STBPFBF. I guess we just don’t know what’s going on with her but it would be good to have her support right now.

  2. Lindy Says:

    I know, I know… I’m sorry. But if you were to test in… say… five days or so, I’d totally understand. But of course I also won’t allow you to read too much into a negative results at that point either. It’s such a Catch-22 and I’m just being selfish.

    Still, I’m feeling very optimistic for you.

  3. kell Says:

    i’ve been reading other IF blogs and i just wanted to post on yours today. i wish you the best. and i think you are such a great writer.

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