9dp5dt . . . Officially Negative

Well, that’s that then.

I was not surprised to get the call. I had taken another HPT this morning before going for the bloodwork. I wanted to ward off the office staff’s usual “good luck” greetings. I think it might have made me cry to have them handle me in a chipper fashion.

I wore my lucky socks anyway. They did not even save me from the awful nurse (the same one who was training and too blind to see for my retrieval). There is only one person in that entire practice that I don’t like. She has no warmth. She does not belong in that setting. JMHO. She made a mess of my hand. She could not find a vein and after much poking and digging, did not get a drop of blood. It only added insult to the injury of having to get blood drawn to tell me what I already knew. I “behaved”, I did not say a word, did not complain . . . though when nurse M walked past I threw her a desperate look and she stepped in and saved me. And, no surprise, found a vein fast and painlessly! And I pay money for this torment.

Dr. P called personally and gave me the official word. I did appreciate that. He really sounded sincerely sorry for us. He also sounded very hopeful that this will still work. (The cynic in my head says . . . sure . . . he has to make his next luxury car payment!) But we will try again. I can’t get in for March and be properly suppressed, etc. Plus, as impatient as I am, that really would be too soon for me, physically. I will cycle again in May. Dr. P’s week for retrievals is the first week in May, so technically I will be starting in April. That sounds not quite so awful to me.

So, I teared up several times today, but I have yet to really cry. I cried several times earlier this week. Maybe that dispersed the pain a bit. I doubt I’m done, but it’s not happening right now.

I had a nice day with a good friend, art museum, yummy lunch, some shopping. So it was not an awful day for such an awful day.

I thank you all for your support. It softens the blow to sign on here and see your kind comments.

This will work. I need to believe it will work in the near future. Maybe this was just a practice run and practice makes perfect? I don’t know . . . I think it is asking too much of myself to put a positive spin on it right now. But I am not giving up. We are not at the end of the road. We’ve just hit another annoying detour.


8 Responses to “9dp5dt . . . Officially Negative”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    I’m so sorry. I hope Dr. P has gained some insight from this cycle to help the next one be successful.
    I’m thinking of you.

  2. Lindy Says:

    I’m just so sorry Beagle. I have plenty of upbeat things to say about the next cycle, but I’ll save those for later.

    For now just do what you need to do to feel even a little better.

    I’ll be thinking about you.

  3. PortLairge Says:

    Oh Beagle, I am so sorry. The only thing I can say was that this protocol was the best protocol for a 37 year old woman but your next cycle will be Beagle’s protocol because Dr P will tweak it based on the things he learned about you in this cycle. That was the way I looked at it after my first failed cycle. I am thinking of you and wishing a speedy journey until April.

  4. Leggy Says:

    Beagle- I’m sorry this didn’t work. I was really hoping you had a bad batch of HPT’s. The bright side of cycling in May- we’ll be dealing with it together.

  5. LB Says:

    I’m sorry to hear the news. It sounded so promising. But I think you are handling it so well and keep that positivity going… May is just around the corner.

  6. thalia Says:

    You are one together person, Beagle. I’m glad you had the best day possible despite the raging disappointment. You are very very right that this is not the end of the road.

  7. Kellie Says:

    I’m so sorry. I know how disappointing this is. Hugs and good luck with your next cycle.

  8. Just another Jenny Says:

    I am so sorry. The odds aren’t in the favor of it happening the first time but there is always so much hope that it will work (or why would we even put ourselves through it).
    My heart goes out to you.

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