OK, I haven’t felt like such a hypochondriac since I trained to be a nurse! There is something about studying all those diseases, signs and symptoms, that makes you start feeling ill! (You know, kind of like how you start to itch when someone tells a story about a flea infestation in their house while pet sitting!)

Well, I am not sure what to think. The “logical” part of my mind (if it still exists, the logical part that is, not my mind as a whole) says that I am simply and understandably depressed and this will pass in time. The worry part of my mind (which has taken over as the dominant force) is coming up with all sorts of explanations from cancer to thyroid disorder to depression that is more serious than I want to admit to just about anything else you can imagine.

I am tired all the time. My mind is so sluggish and distracted. My body needs to be forced into action, but it can function at a pretty good level of energy for short periods (i.e., I can do a fairly vigorous aerobics class but I don’t “feel” energetic doing it, if that makes sense). I could also very easily come home and take a nap instead. The temptation to skip a workout has to be fought off every day. I’ve done this fitness thing for two weeks, religiously, which I know is both a great achievement and also a drop in the bucket in terms of seeing results.

I am also withdrawing socially to some extent. Again, this could be depression or it could be a very sane coping mechanism to avoid the assvice that abounds in the fertile world.

Since “mojo” and “lost grooves” have been such hot topics lately . . . I will add my confession here. I have lost mine too. Not completely, but it’s not what it was. I am usually the one who has to keep it alive in our house, so if I waver . . . well . . . it gets rather quiet around here! I cry afterwards fairly often and while C. is very good about that wired reaction, it freaks me out and I think that is my current biggest turnoff. It is not like I am sad all the way through and then I cry, I can be very into it and quite “happy” and then these involuntary tears and sobs just show up after O. (The “other” O!) I am afraid of the emotional release, the tears . . . so I avoid the trigger . . . sex. I miss feeling good about feeling good. I also feel a bit hopeless about sex in general I guess, since it doesn’t “work” for us like it should in terms of biology, lot’s of loving = no baby. I hope we’ll be able to renew our spark during our Florida escape.

So back to the hypochondria . . . should I go to my family doc and get some basic blood work-up or something?? (Something other than an E2 or a P3?? Like maybe a CBC or a thyroid level?) I am pretty sure they will find normal results for everything except what I already know: a somewhat raised B/P and some weight gain. My family doc is very pro-antidepressants. He’s tried to peddle them to me before. I even tried them for a while but the side effects were not worth the “results” to me. Plus, I am VERY paranoid about taking drugs, especially that kind of drug, during a pregnancy which is my ultimate goal.

So . . . what does all that add up to? Am I physically sick? Depressed? Or just impatient for the pain of a failed cycle to pass and impatient for the effects of all my sweat at the gym to start showing for something?

. . . Or am I just a hypochondriac? The last week of March can’t get here soon enough . . . I need a Margarita NOW!!


14 Responses to “Hypochondria”

  1. EJW Says:

    Could it be seasonal? It’s been terribly grey here for a couple weeks and it definitely makes it hard to get motivated to do anything.

  2. DD Says:

    That’s a good point about the season. Cabin fever and lack of some good sun after the holidays and whatnot can put lead in your butt.

    I know that last winter I went thru the same thing and they even wanted to push anti-ds on me, but I was worried about a pregnancy as well. It can’t hurt to check out the ole’ thyroid, just to keep some sanity.

  3. Donna Says:

    I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal depression and anxiety. Sometimes if you feel like taking a nap, you just need a nap. If this continues more than another month or so, I would think about getting some blood work done, but until then, give yourself a break.

  4. mm Says:

    I think we’ve all been where you are after a failed cycle, but that doesn’t make it any easier to feel like your mojo has up and gone. Maybe talking to your md (or even a therapist) will help ease your mind that what you’re going thru is normal? Hang in there.

  5. Lindy Says:

    It could easily be depression. But it might be worth getting some basic bloodwork done. Doesn’t hurt to make sure you’re in good health before the new cycle starts. Sorry you’re feeling so awful, Beagle. I hate that you’re having to go through this.

  6. Leggy Says:

    I could have written most of this post. I think failed cycles take a long time to process. I think getting some bloodwork done isn’t a bad idea, but I think its more depression, with maybe a little bit of SAD (seasonal depression) thrown in. Its just very hard to regroup when so much is riding on a cycle.

  7. thalia Says:

    Sweetie you aren’t a hypochondriac. You are just very very sad. There may be something else going on as well, so do go to the doctor if you feel that things are not right – that is what they are there for. But for heaven’s sake, you just had a loss, it’s normal to be sad. Try to keep exercising, that might help you start to feel better.

  8. Lori Says:

    What you described sounds so much like what I felt after my early miscarriage in 2004. For me it’s how I experienced grief and loss. And it did begin to pass with time. Given what you’ve been through, it sounds like a normal reaction.

  9. Claudia Says:

    If getting some basic medical tests done will bring you peace of mind, do it. But really, this is a super tough time in your life and I’d be more surprised if you felt great. It all sounds perfectly normal to me, and more situational than anything.

  10. Liz Says:

    I have felt this way so many times. We’ve been through so much and it takes a toll on us. Processing your feelings after a failed cycle is important. We are riddled with so much anger and sadness. I hope things will get better soon.

  11. N Says:

    Shaking shaking shaking…one Margarita coming up…..Here you go!

    It is really good that you are going on vacation. You will enjoy yourself and see yourself outside your “normal” (OK what’s normal anyways) life. This will do you good.

    If you feel better, getting some tests done, I think you should go for them. For peace of mind. Maybe it even helps you getting over the loss a bit better.

    I want spring too. So bad. I have been suffering from the cold and dark particularly much this winter as well. Once again…good for you that you are going to Florida! I also MUST force myself to do my Yoga. I do actually invent new excuses every week so that I don’t have to go.

  12. Beth Says:

    You are definitely not a hypochondriac. I think it wouldn’t hurt to check things out with your doctor, but I tend to agree with Thalia that you are dealing with an expected reaction to your circumstances. I hope you are doing better soon.

  13. Ornery Says:

    I certainly don’t think you’re a hypochondriac, and if seeing a doctor will help to alleviate some of your concerns, then by all means schedule an appointment. I agree with the other commenters who think this might be some form of depression, which is completely understandable considering what you’ve gone through. After my miscarriage and after some of my previous failed cycles, I’ve definitely experienced similar feelings of lethargy, distraction, even the post-sex crying. After a while, you just wish you could snap out of it and move on, but for me, these feelings continued to ebb and flow for a while, though it does get better over time.

    Take good care of yourself. That margarita will be here before you know it!

  14. TiggleBitties Says:

    You are definitely not a hypochondria. Theres something about being poked, prodded and stuck continuously coupled with wotking in healthcare (as I do) that takes you right to the brink. I think it all falls under “ignorance is bliss” the more we know, the MORE we know. It’s a terrible cycle.

    It also seems like you might be a little depressed, which is normal. Sunshine helps to heal me a little when I get like that…(the margaritas are a very very close 2nd too!) LOL!!

    You won’t always feel this way, I promise!! I’m here if you need to talk.

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