I am a 1 in 1,000 kind of girl***

We are GO for a 5 day transfer.

We still have 9 embryos. They are a “bell curve” of varying quality. (The embryologist likes the term “bell curve” he uses it a lot, I remember that from IVF #1 as well.) There are few good, a few fair and few poor quality embryos. Our lab never gives the detailed grading stuff I read about elsewhere. I don’t bother asking because I don’t need something else to obsess about right now. I am enjoying the idea of 9 potential babies. I hope that at least one of them realizes their potential. (Though I am seriously hoping for 2!)

I am maintaining my detachment quite well. The distraction of the past three days “helped” that along. I was so out of sorts that I kind of forgot that all this had anything to do with embryos. My parents called to check on me yesterday (they think I’ve stayed home with this cold) and asked if C. and I wanted to go to Dim Sum on Sunday and I very enthusiastically said yes . . . that sounds great. I totally and completely forgot that I would be busy putting these embies back where they belong and then on bedrest. That is a very odd thing for me, forgetting something that essential to IVF. I am normally so one track minded about the scheduling aspect of IVF, that it is unimaginable that I would forget which day the transfer is planned for.

So, my transfer will be Sunday, May 7th. Is that lucky? It has to be luckier than my retrieval!

If you have extra time . . . read on.
Miscellaneous other stuff:

My RE is a good guy: I really still think he is. But when this is all over I plan to say something about the fact that I would have appreciated a more honest approach to what happened. Don’t try to tell me it was a normal occurrence. Why do I think he is good after all that? Well, this stuff happens. And once we figured out the problem he was very attentive. He called me every morning and evening, he gave me his cell number and said to call at any hour so that I didn’t have to go through the answering service, he met me in the office instead of sending me to the ER like most docs would do after hours, etc. If I had to guess, I think that he had hoped that the slip was more minor than it turned out to be and didn’t want to make a big deal about it by telling me there were complications or whatever. But to say that going through the bladder to get to the ovaries is routine, is just . . . well . . . bullshit. As quoted here, and listed under possible complications (not routine occurences) of IVF egg collection: “Injuries to internal organs such as bowels, bladder or blood vessels during the procedure. This is an extremely rare complication (about 1 in 1000). “ ***

Info on the pICSI* thing: I don’t know a whole lot about this but you Dr. Google gals can knock yourselves out. It sounds promising and I figured we can use any advantage they have to offer. The pICSI* is basically just a different way of selecting the sperm. They use something called hyaluronan acid in the petri dish and the sperm that bind with the acid are thought to be of better quality. That is as much as I know. I could find no down side to trying it, so we did. Here are a few interesting links on the topic.

Physical pain is relative: Before ER I was all bent out of shape about my allergies that turned into a nasty cold and how much “pain” I was in: earache, burning throat, etc. Then I peed bright red and I forgot all about the pain. I was then told to drink as much as I could tolerate to flush out that (little bit of) blood. (Insert here: RE used analogy of adding one drop of red dye to a glass of water and it gets really red, so I should not panic, that it’s not as much blood as it looks like.) So, I drank. A lot. Then I tried to pee and flush all that nastiness away. Sadly, I did not have one drop of red dye, I had a big globby clot, filling about one-sixth of my bladder (I saw it on ultrasound later). I could not pee. Well, my bladder kept getting more and more full because I had already filled up on water as instructed. Then the real pain started. I thought I might burst. I tried to pee again and that only made it worse because it kind of triggered that bladder contraction that makes you pee but the outlet was blocked. So I call RE and go in right away. They drain me and send me home with the instruction to call if I still can’t pee in four hours. Well, you know how that went, so in I go again this time I get to keep the catheter. What a nightmare. Anyway, the point of this ramble is that the funny thing about pain is that one pain can make you forget the other(s). I did not feel my cold symptoms anymore. I did not feel my ovary/bloat discomfort either. And guess what? They are back now! And I am glad. I am glad to have the appropriate kind and level of discomfort for an IVF patient.

Why cats are great: They know when you feel like crap. They really do. Now C. took very good care of me. I don’t want to rob him of the credit he is due! But the cats really hovered and snuggled and watched over me, especially once C. went back to work. Funny how they know. Too bad they can’t cook.

To freeze or not to freeze? That is my question. Our lab’s “philosophy” is to freeze only perfect embryos, which at day 5 you’re lucky if there are enough of those to transfer, never mind freeze. Maybe because it’s our last fresh cycle, maybe because I need to feel like I have a back up plan, but I am inclined to freeze whatever is left this time, whether they think they are optimal or not. Some pretty crappy embryos have become amazing babies. There is always a chance, right? So do we freeze or move on?

Worrying about beta already: My beta is May 16th. My 38th birthday is May 13th and Mother’s Day is May 14th. I don’t want to rev myself up into a state about this but I want to come up with a plan that will help me get through that weekend before the beta with my sanity intact. Any ideas?

OK, that’s enough for today!

PS My Mom makes the best soup! She brought me in a HUGE vat of vegetable soup today. Mmmmm . . . it’s good for all that ails me.


25 Responses to “I am a 1 in 1,000 kind of girl***”

  1. mm Says:

    9 is a fantastic number, which you certainly deserve after this week’s horrific ordeal. That’s great that your doctor has been so attentive, but honestly, I would be too if I’d accidentally poked a giant hole in your bladder! That’s not as annoying as why he wasn’t exactly honest about the whole thing… what, does he think you don’t have other infertiles to consult on the “routiness” of going thru the bladder?! Amateur!

    Best of luck for the transfer!!

  2. seattlegal Says:

    Good luck for the transfer! I agree with mm, 9 is a terrific number.

    And cats are wonderful. My kitties hovered around me the other day after I had my IUI, and they always come snuggle when I’m upset. Love them!

  3. Anonymous Says:

    just wanted to wish you well on the transfer. i’m new to the ivf world (egg transfer tomorrow). you’ve been through a lot and i hope this transfer is successful. sending you happy thoughts and prayers.

  4. Donna Says:

    I am so happy that after all you’ve been through, things are on for a 5 day transfer. I’d never heard of pICSI, although now I am going to be calling your potential child Pixi!

  5. DD Says:

    I agree with your wish to freeze. How many times have we read how an fresh cycle doesn’t go well, but the FET does? They transfer the best at fresh, so it stands to reason that sometimes the 2nd string can score.

    In your case, I hope the FEs get to sit out of the game for a year or so.

  6. Chee Chee Says:

    I agree with you, I think that I would definitely freeze the remaining embryos. Having a back-up plan has really put my mind at ease. It may give you some comfort that regardless of what happens, you still have a chance. 9 is a great number!

    Good luck to you!

  7. MoMo Says:

    Beagle…9 is great, I am really happy for you guys! Good luck with the transfer on Sunday, I will be thinking of you. And I agree with you that I don’t buy the routine thing about the bladder.


  8. UtRus Says:

    well, as for getting through that weekend…. i say use your Bday as a giant distraction – schedule some fun stuff like maybe a spa day and a movie and dinner or something that takes up the whole day. then for Mother’s Day, well, it sounds like your mom is a gem, so maybe just concentrate on her – and leave it at that!

    i do like your Doc’s way of handling things – he must have felt very bad. but i would definitely call him on the honesty issue. person to person. you owe it to yourself to say it and he should apologize for that. clearly he felt bad. (mm’s comment up there is hilarious!)

    i can’t give advice about the freezies. haven’t gotten there yet. but 9 sounds awful good. hugs.

  9. Lori Says:

    That is a great number of embryos. I’m so excited they’re going strong for a 5 day transfer.
    I’m just catching up on all you’ve been through these past few days with your bladder and YIKES!!! I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better and that cold symptoms are once again forefront.

  10. Leggy Says:

    I’m so excited that there are still nine.

    I think you should freeze all that are left. My son came from our crappiest batch of embryos, so I don’t buy the whole “how they look” thing.

    I think distraction’s a good idea- you and C. will probably be busy for your birthday and Sunday’s no good for me, but if you want to do dinner or a movie on Thursday or Friday, I’m all about helping to distract you.

  11. Kellie Says:

    Wishing you lots of luck on your transfer. Hoping you can freeze a bunch 🙂

    Sorry about your bladder issues, sounds painful, but I am glad that it is better

  12. Angie Says:

    I wanted to wish you lots of hope on your transfer! Get lots of rest and take care!

  13. sube Says:

    Great number. And I definitely vote for freezing. Seems like you’ll never regret the decision to freeze, but you might regret the decision not to freeze.

    Good luck on Sunday!

  14. soralis Says:

    9 sounds great! Good luck and I agree with the freezing thing!

    I am still flabbergasted about the bladder thing!

    I am having my 2nd transfer (if my blast makes it through the thaw) on sunday as well… I guess we will be waiting together.

    Take care and good luck!

  15. Mary Ellen and Steve Says:

    9 is a great number! I am so sorry about the whole ordeal with your bladder. I agree with you that your doctor should have been more up front. I hope your transfer goes well tomorrow.


  16. Liz Says:

    Wishing you the best with your transfer and that you’ll have some snowbabies.

    Just read what happened to you…unbelievable. Hope all is well.

  17. Sarah Says:

    Yeah Beagle! I am so excited for you. Good luck tomorrow and I’d definately freeze if you have the option.

    Thanks also for the info about pICSI, I will look into it. Take care!!

  18. Pamplemousse Says:

    Home-made soup is a great cure-all for all ills. Good luck tomorrow!

  19. Flygirl Says:

    Good luck tomorrow! I’ll be thinking about you!

  20. Mellie Says:

    What a trooper you are! And making it to a 5 day transfer bodes so well! Hoping and wishing this works for you -especially given all you’ve been through.

  21. Just another Jenny Says:

    I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. All the best!

  22. Maya Says:

    Yah the whole going through the bladder thing as routine…nice try. There may be a whole let less IVF if that were routine!!! I think you have handled the whole thing amazingly. Now, just one more thing, I thope the transfer goes a lot smoother.

  23. daysgoby Says:

    Go, cookie!

  24. Sunny Jenny Says:

    Wishing you the best!

  25. N Says:

    What your cats can’t cook? Tiger does a delicious gras and KitteCat pie with mouse as a side dish 😀

    Hope your transfer went good today. I can’t believe I am too late to wish you good luck…bad me. Hope you got your 2 embies.


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