I think we have finally settled on Oscar for the new kitten. I liked a few other names as well, or better, but C. vetoed them all. So Oscar it is. We had “fun” at the vet yesterday for his first check up. He jerked his leg away halfway through his shot and most of the vaccine went all over his fur and on the exam table. Then they gave him a second dose with half the amount. (Not very accurate but what can you do?) Then they gave him the worming medication and he promptly spit most of that all over the vet. Well, technically he did not “spit” he just shook his head so violently that the yellow liquid flew in all directions including the vets white jacket. Oh dear!

Then at 3am, poor C. was rudely awakened by kitten snot. Oscar sneezed in his face. (Gross, I know!) Then the poor cat spent the next three hours sneezing violently on and off. What the hell? I have no idea what this is about. I have to call this morning to ask whether this is some odd side effect or what. I have never seen a cat sneeze like this. It is a whole body sneeze. The poor thing. Plus my germ-aphobic self is freaking out about all the germs flying everywhere in my house. Yikes.

So that is the cat update.

As for IF updates: I am on BCP, started Monday. RE’s nurse has ordered meds and mailed the FET schedule. Both should arrive by end of this week.

Mood Update: Still sucks. Not quite as bad this morning as the previous week. Talked to counselor about inability to grieve/cry/etc. Concluded that maybe I can’t grieve because this cycle is not really over until we use up the embryos that are frozen. In my mind they are part of this cycle. Not sure if that is what is really going on, but it makes sense in a way.

Creativity update: I have been unable/unwilling/unmotivated to make pottery since Christmas. I miss it. It would do me good, but my creativity is kind of at an all time low right now. Last night I participated in a group project with my local potter’s group. It was good for me, if a little hard to be upbeat and social. The project is a wall mural of a city scene and each person was randomly assigned a section of a row home and told to decorate it however they chose. Then they all get put together. It came out really cool. It was pretty exciting to see it come together. I will have to post a photo when it’s all done. Our group is doing a gallery show in August and this piece will be displayed then. If it sells the money will go towards bringing a guest artist in to do a workshop for the group. We do one such workshop every year.

Also on the creativity front, I am looking into going away for a week before the FET business to go to a workshop myself. Last year I went to one in Tennessee and it did me a world of good and really jump started the creative areas of my brain. I am hoping I can still find a space at this late date (these things usually fill up pretty early, so we’ll see)

On the marriage front. Things are OK between C. and I these days. Kind of subdued and sad but not at all divided. We have a week’s vacation in June and I look forward to getting away together again. We plan to do something cheap and close to home since we overspent our budget in Key West and well . . . then there are the IVF / FET bills rolling in!

So sorry this is not a real feat in creative writing . . . but that is my life in a nutshell!

Thanks for everyone’s continued support as I dig myself out of this hole.


15 Responses to “Oscar”

  1. Thalia Says:

    Oscar is a good name. Suits him. I’m glad that you found something you can both agree on!

    You are really leaping into this FET. I understand why given the gap in your clinic’s schedules. I hope by July you’ll have done enough processing/grieving to be at least a little bit invested in it. I am hoping for you.

  2. UtRus Says:

    that’s really interesting about thoughts on your “cycle not being over yet” due to the FET. good point. i can totally see that. and hey, don’t beat yourself up about not freaking out with grief… if … you’re NOT freaking out with grief. i mean, there is no prescribed way to feel, you know? glad you’re talking to a pro (as you know, me too) and the pottery/creative stuff deserves attention regardless of other stuff. i am learning this, too, and am trying to get better at keeping the rest of my life in proper priority. hugs.

  3. Leggy Says:

    I wouldn’t beat yourself up about not being able to grieve the way you think you should. Sometimes our defense mechanisms have their own timetables. 🙂

  4. Alli Says:

    LOL at the cat sneezing. It’s a shame we can’t teach them to “sneeze into your elbow!” like preschoolers do! I’m a complete germaphobe, too.

    The counselor had a good point. You’re in my prayers!

  5. Lindy Says:

    Oscar sounds good to me – it was H’s first dog’s name, making it also his “stripper” name.

    The group project, and better yet the workshop, sound like great ways to get your creative juices flowing. It can be so hard to get out of a creative funk no matter how much good you know it’ll do you. Would love to see pics.

    Thinking of you and wishing you all my best good lucky thoughts for the upcoming FET.

  6. MoMo Says:

    I like Oscar…it sounds good. The mural sounds awesome..can’t wait to see pictures. It will be thinking of you as you start your FET cycle! Hugs!

  7. PortLairge Says:

    I love the name Oscar. Oscar the cat sounds cool. I hope his sneezing is better.
    Can’t wait to see a picture of the mural.
    Weishing you the best for your FET.

  8. seattlegal Says:

    Oscar’s a good name for the kitty. Hopefully, his sneezing has subsided.

    All the best on your FET cycle!

  9. Maya Says:

    I hope your trip rejuvenates and refreshes you.

  10. sube Says:

    Oscar! I love it. Even if I do instinctively want to follow it with “the Grouch.” But I’m sure he’s no grouchy kitty, just a sneezy one.

  11. the waiting line Says:

    Poor Oscar, sounds like he has one of those nasty upper respiratory infections. Both of my cats were sneezing buggers all over the place (including all over us) for quite sometime after we adopted them. With antibiotics, though, they get over it eventually.

    I can see why the cycle doesn’t feel like it’s over and you can’t grieve. I truly hope the FET brings it to a very HAPPY closure.

    You should definitely move forward on your vacation plans – something close/cheap is still going to be very, very nice. Getting away (anywhere) helps, I think.

    And another thing, I know what you mean about the IVF/FET bills rolling in. I just got the quote yesterday from Dr. Fast Talker. Man, those bills are already impacting our choices for the rest of this year. I send a virtual *toast* your way, “May all these bills translate into something beautiful that will impact the rest of our lives!”

  12. Ornery Says:

    I really like the name Oscar…I definitely think he looks like one!

    I hope you haven’t had any more kitty snot incidents. The germaphobe in me sympathizes with you.

    A vacation in June sounds wonderful, no matter where it is. Any temporary escape from the “real world” is a good thing.

  13. Meg Says:

    Workshop – sounds wonderful, Beagle. Would you like to put your FET on the cyclesista site? Let me know. It’s at cyclesista.blogspot by the way.

  14. Ellen K. Says:

    Hurray for Oscar! : )

    It’s great that you’re taking steps to get back into your art. I wish I had that kind of outlet, but alas, my brothers inherited all of my illustrator dad’s talent.

    Best of luck with the kitty sneezing, FET, mural, and vacation plans!

  15. Just another Jenny Says:

    When do we get a picture Oscar? We are doing a camping vacation – wieners on a stick and tenting, can’t get much cheaper than that. I’m glad you are starting to dig out of your hole, it’s not an easy one to get out of.

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