And the walls came a tumbling down

No more fears about the lost tears here. Last night there was a flood of them. God this all hurts so much. What do I hate most about IVF? Failing. That is the hardest part of all: the “ending up with nothing to show for your troubles” part of a failed cycle.

I feel like crap today. I have a kind of crying hangover I guess. Today my Dad turned 61 so I had to pull myself together for a birthday luncheon with the parents. I think I managed well enough. I dressed up which is unusual enough for me that it *probably* distracted them from noticing my puffy eyes. We had Japanese at a new restaurant. It was yummy. I should have ordered an umbrella drink, but didn’t.

Oscar, poor Oscar, is sick. He’s still sneezing, but not quite as often. The vet says it’s the feline respiratory viral thing that the vaccine was supposed to guard against. But when they are this small their immune systems are not built up enough to ward off all those multi-cat germs you get in a shelter setting. So he’s in isolation (So I don’t end up with four sneezing cats!) and on antibiotics. He is not very good at taking medicine! I have come up with a routine of hiding it in his food. The vet did not charge me for the second visit in two days. I like our new vet.

So ladies of bloglandia . . . I hope you are all well. I am doing the best I can, which is pretty well considering. It’s all any of us can do.


9 Responses to “And the walls came a tumbling down”

  1. Alli Says:

    I’m so sorry for what you are going through.

    And poor Oscar – I hope he’ll be okay!

  2. Demeter Says:

    No one deserves this pain. I wish I could take it away from you. how horrible it is to go through it. I had IF that did not last very long, oh, for some Godly reason I got pregnant before I went nuts, but I commend women who go through so much like you, and keep going. How terrible it is! The yearning, the pain, the dissapointment. Please don’t give up hope Beagle! Give yourself time to recover, but don’t give up hope. Oscar is adorable! Hopefully he will give you some smiles ahead!

  3. JEN Says:

    Beagle, Poor oscar, he thanks you for taking such good care of him. Your going to be a great mama.

  4. Leggy Says:

    The crying sucks, but getting it all out does ultimately help. Sorry these are such sad days for you. Any fun Memorial Day plans?

  5. soralis Says:

    Sending you a big hug and I hope the kitty is feeling better soon!

    Take all the time you need to recover.

    I am thinking of you

  6. MoMo Says:

    Beagle…I am so sorry that you are going thru such pain-but I think crying is good…let it all out. Hang in there! Hugs!

  7. UtRus Says:

    i am thinking of you over here. i am so sorry for all the pain you are feeling. stay strong, you will get through this. and cuddles to little Oscar.

  8. Thalia Says:

    Well, I guess it’s good that you got some of your pain out there, but I can imagine that it felt awful. I know what you mean about the crying hangover. I always feel so incredibly tired and dull after a huge weeping session. I hope Oscar feels better soon.

  9. Mary Ellen and Steve Says:

    I am so sorry that you are going through so much right now. Do whatever you have to do to help yourself heal. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs!

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