It’s snot so bad

No, it’s not. It’s WORSE.

I am so sick. How can I be so unlucky for someone who believes in luck?? I am (warning gross details ahead) coughing up disgusting amounts of green nastiness. My entire body aches and my ribs and throat ache/burn from all the coughing. I haven’t had a real night’s sleep in three days. I am not a happy girl. Normally I can cope pretty well with this sort of thing, but it really, really, feels like this is one thing too many to handle while cycling.

You can imagine how thrilled I was to visit my friendly RE this morning for my baseline ultrasound. All is well below the belt at least. Oh yes, except that there has been no appearance of AF, not even a spot. The RE assures me that this is fine so long as:
a) my E2 is fine and
b) I don’t start bleeding later (as in closer to time of actual transfer).
Great. Something else to add to my list of potential doom and worry. The RE is not at all worried about the chest business as long as I get treated ASAP. (Sure, the RE is not the one coughing up a lung!) Transfer is 22 days off which “should” be plenty of time to cure my respiratory woes.

So, I am leaving work early today (after having arrived late from RE visit) to see my GP/family doc. No doubt he will give me the antibiotic du jour to resolve this lung thing. I like my GP, but I kind of get irritated that an RE can’t just listen to my lungs, take a swab perhaps and write a prescription. They did all go to medical school before specializing, right?? But, no, they like to share the wealth and add another appointment to my rather full appointment book.

Sigh.

I am tired, so tired. I don’t even want to do this FET. What’s the point** I keep asking myself?

Can we say sad Beagle? And what the hell am I doing at work today anyway? Why do I always have to pretend that I am stronger than I really am until I push so hard that I fall apart?

**For what it’s worth, my RE “claims” that some of his patients never get BFP’s in fresh cycles but then get pg on a frozen cycle. It “may” be coincidence, but he has a “theory” that it may be due to the fact that even though the embryos are compromised to some degree by the freeze/thaw, the woman’s uterus/body is more hospitable during a frozen cycle because the hormones levels are more controlled and closer to “natural” levels.

Let’s hope that I add to his belief in this “theory” by having a miracle BFP on July 27th! I am truly running out of the “will to persevere” here. I want a baby as much as I ever have, but the pain of trying is starting to equal the pain of not having that which I am trying for. What’s a girl to do? When is it time to say enough is enough?

Maybe I’m just having an extra bad day.

Thanks for reading my self-pitying rant.
Happier post ahead (maybe).

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5 Responses to “It’s snot so bad”

  1. serenity Says:

    Ugh – I’m a huge baby when it comes to being sick – so I CANNOT believe you’re at work today. Hugs to you.

    I had (ok, yeah, well maybe the past tense isn’t so correct, I kind of still DO have) this impending sense of doom about my FET which is very akin to the feeling you get as you hang, suspended, over a 50 foot drop on a rollercoaster, and you are thinking “Ummm, do I REALLY want to do this?”

    Thankfully it is now out of my control. I just took the drugs my doctor prescribed and tried to forget about what it might mean.

    Not sure this will help, but definitely know that you are not alone.

    I hope you start feeling better soon.

  2. GLouise Says:

    Big hugs, Beagle.

    You’re a hero for showing up at work!

    I will be thinking of you as you prepare for the FET.

  3. MoMo Says:

    Oh Beagle…sorry about feeling sick…please take care of yourself. I am thinking positive thoughts for you for this FET! Hugs!

  4. Angie Says:

    I’m sorry you’re still sick. I’m a hube baby when I’m under the weather. I’m hoping you get feeling better very soon!

  5. Kristi Says:

    You are totally entitled to a pity party. Getting sick while cycling is no fun. And the answer is yes, it is totally worth it in the end, to go through what you’re enduring. Speaking as one who asked myself this very question numerous times while shelling out the GNP of Lithuania for IVF, I can tell you that this will all be a distant memory when you get the BFP I am hoping and praying you get.

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