Things that make you go Huh?? (aka WTF?)

I’d like to share this little story for the sake of the humor contained within.

First, a little background:

Part 1: I am the only child of a very stoic, Germanic, first generation immigrant sort of family. We don’t talk about stuff. We especially don’t talk about: feelings, bodily functions, sex (gasp!), etc. So, infertility is NOT a dinner conversation topic for my folks. I told them nothing at all for the longest time. I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want C. to be judged. I was a chicken.

Part 2: I am a registered nurse, a potter, a massage therapist, a general manager of an import business. (I’ve made reference to my “job” at various times, so this must be somewhat confusing.) In that order, the last being my current source of income. The catch? My boss and my dad are one in the same for this current job.

So, when I needed day after day after day off, coupled with late arrivals and early departures for various tests, procedures, etc., I eventually felt that I had to tell him something. But what? So I decided that the truth is always good, but I better give him the Disney version of the truth. So I (in very vague terms) explained the troubles that C. and I were having, being sure to emphasize that no I did not have an STD from my slutty 20’s (I was not slutty, but having any fun at all was too much I guess) and that C. was a manly as ever, he has lots of manly sperm, it’s just that there are these unexplainable antibodies causing trouble, blah, blah, blah . . . so we’re doing IVF, you know that test tube baby thing . . . did he want me to explain more or stop telling him anything at all . . . he thanked me for telling him and thought that was as much as he needed to know, they were just worried about all these doctors appointments. Blah, blah, blah . . . so I figured I had it covered. Whew. Deep breath.

(an aside within an aside:) With my parents it is important to explain the absence of fault as well as can be done. When I had walking pneumonia, along with some sympathy, their immediate reaction was “where did I get it?” As though I go about life licking germs off of public toilet seats or something. People just get sick, there is not always a “reason” or a “cause” and most often not one they’ve brought onto themselves . . . Oh, but I digress . . . see why I have so much self blame in this infertility thing?? What did I do to deserve this, etc. My parents programed me to think this way, I swear!

So that was right around IVF#1, no questions since. Fast forward to now.

I tell my Dad that I need a few days off. He says “Oh, are you and C. going away somewhere nice?” I say “No, we’re doing that IVF thing again, but this time I needed less time off because we already have embryos frozen at the hospital.”

So he says:

Drum roll please . . .

“Who gave them to you?”


I explain that these embryos are ours and that they were “left over” from the last IVF. He looks a little puzzled, but mostly relieved and says “Oh, OK then. No problem. Take whatever time you need.”

Do you think that means that he doesn’t get it?

***For the record I think that embryo donation is very cool (as a matter of fact, if anyone wants to give me a few, I’d be ever so grateful!) But, you can bet that my father has no clue that this is actually done so where did he get this idea from? Some CSI episode or a radio talk show perhaps??)***


14 Responses to “Things that make you go Huh?? (aka WTF?)”

  1. One Mother's Journey Says:

    LOL. That’s probably exactly what my father would say also. I think father’s are on a “need to know” type basis… through in some Star Trek/Sci-Fi. I’m sure to that generation, IVF still sounds very alien.

  2. serenity Says:

    Yeah, ummm I think your poor dad doesn’t really get the whole IVF process. *Sigh*

    We still haven’t told my parents yet… I am not sure that I want to yet. *sigh*

  3. GLouise Says:

    Classic dad!


  4. Kristi Says:

    How funny! After my IVF cycle, I decided to come clean about our struggle to conceive to my family (who had previously been 100% in the dark), and even with my extensive explanations, I still don’t think they understand what IVf is all about. Most classic was my mom’s response, and she’s not even one of the most religious members of my family: “So why didn’t you just wait for God’s will?” Um, because God’s will was taking too damn long, mom!

  5. Chas Says:

    Haha…he probably doesn’t really get it. He’s probably envisioning frozen babies in a lab somewhere..this is not from his generation :).

  6. ellie Says:

    Don’t think he gets it. πŸ™‚ I understand. When I was getting ready for the IVF that we cancelled- about a week before we were scheduled to go in – my sister said- wow, I didn’t know it was surgery. I think if you don’t live it- then you don’t really investigate it.
    But yeah– not really dinner table talk in my family either. Thus my blog name lives on….:0

  7. Donna Says:

    Classic! Definitely a generational thing. I’m glad you decided to tell him as much of the truth as you thought he could handle (maybe it wasn’t enough?), I hate feeling like I am lying by omission.

  8. Leggy Says:

    That is too funny. Thaw is tomorrow, right? Good luck.

  9. Alli Says:

    LMAO at the “Disney” version, and that he basically said that was plenty of info. thankyouverymuch.

    I guess it does sound a little out there! He must have thought that IVF meant automatically that your eggs were bad.

  10. Ellen K. Says:

    LOL. My dad’s idea of “infertility research” is watching Discovery Health shows about women who give birth to quads after IVF, and then freaking out and calling me. He really is sweet, though, so I forgive him.

    Maybe the self-blame is a Germanic thing… my MIL (and DH’s) response to any minor accident, like bumping your head on something or stubbing your toe, is “Well, don’t do that” in this told-you-so tone of voice. I freaking hate it. BTW, DH’s parents’ only comments about our infertility have been “Well, sometimes it just takes awhile” and, most recently, “I thought you would have adopted from Russia by now. At least then the baby would look like (DH).” Nice.

    Again… good luck tomorrow!

  11. Pixxiee Says:

    LOL…that is classic. My mother’s first reaction was “oooh you aren’t going to take those fertility drugs and have multiple babies are you?”…

    Mmmm I wonder what she thought IVF was!

    Good luck with the FET

  12. the waiting line Says:

    Ha! I caught myself laughing outloud – that’s hilarious! “Who gave them to you?” . . . he, he, he. πŸ™‚

  13. Meg Says:

    Love it, Beagle. My dad is the same. Tries to show his knowledge of the process, but really does not have a clue what he’s talking about. Ah, nice to hear a funny story for once. xx

  14. Just another Jenny Says:

    I think he doesn’t get it. That is o.k. though. I find that FET’s really confuse people. I’ve had to explain it to my accupuncturist and my GP. Your dad is cute. Mine will ask “how is everything” which is code for “how is the whole baby making thing going”.

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