About Face

Wow, talk about mood swings! Last night I yelled at C. about laundry (he has a true talent for screwing it up: picture your favorite black jeans with white towels) anyway, his infraction last night was decidedly minor but I had a meltdown anyway, then I cried, but the topic kept changing, from laundry, to the movie I just saw, to having to face my SIL this afternoon, to (no kidding?) my fear of another big fat failed cycle.

I guess it was all really about the baby thing all along . . . but sometimes it’s easier to cry about the laundry.

Poor C. What the hell am I saying? Poor ME! Poor us. Poor all of us living this infertility hell.

This morning, with the light of day and a night’s sleep, I feel almost sane again, just tired. Tired of obsessing, tired of waiting, wanting, etc. Just tired.

Today’s agenda: Work half day, laundry (the right way), errands, haircut, Oscar to the vet for last set of vaccines, and a 7 yr. old birthday party (this part is fun, except SIL factor) without C. there for support. I need C. as a buffer to deal with his brother’s wife. But, with any luck I can just focus on the birthday girl and eat Pizza wearing a party hat!

About Face: I’ve gone from wishing Thursday would get here already to dreading it a bit. I don’t want this cycle to end unless it’s in a delivery room in April 2007.

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20 Responses to “About Face”

  1. Meg Says:

    Dear Beagle. God yes. Poor us indeed.

    I hope tomorrow feels better.

    My love to you. xxx

  2. Kristi Says:

    The cycle of emotions we go through is insane, isn’t it? Just keep yourself focused on Thursday (no POAS!) and get through the next day and a half as best you can. I found staying busy was the best way to keep my mind off things, even for a little while, so it may be good that you have such a bust day today.

  3. Barely Sane Says:

    Ah yes, the ups & downs of IF. Just gotta love the mood swings eh? DH used to tell me he couldn’t keep up – heck, I cant either!! Hang in there.

    I think men screw up laundry on purpose. I think they have an ulterior motive – to NOT have to do it. LOL.

  4. serenity Says:

    I can relate 1000% to feeling just TIRED with all of this IF bullshit.

    Hang in there. I am hoping with all my heart for very good news on Thursday.

    HUGS.

  5. Thalia Says:

    Thursday is so close. I am almost holding my breath for you. It must be such torture, these last 48 hours of waiting. Hoping very hard, and wishing you very beautifully done laundry in the meantime.

  6. TeamWinks Says:

    At least we will appreciate our children since we are working so hard to have them! 🙂

  7. Mary Ellen and Steve Says:

    Waiting for beta is so emotional. Try to hang in there Beagle. I hope that you have some wonderful news for us on Thursday.

  8. PortLairge Says:

    Thinking of you. I hope Thursday comes quickly. I also hope the birthday pizza and cake were divine and SIL stayed out of your way.

  9. soralis Says:

    I am crossing my fingers for you!

    Good luck

  10. the waiting line Says:

    thinking of you!

  11. Betty Says:

    I hope you get the April date! Good luck.

  12. Vivien Says:

    Poor you, poor us.
    I can’t tell you how much I identify with yelling about laundry. For laundry substitute – late back from work, washing up not done, nothing sorted for dinner, etc etc etc. Who would be a husband of an IF?
    Is it heartless to say thank you for the post – at least I don’t feel like I am the only woman who can lose her reason for no reason.
    And re your kind offer on my blog – yes please – can you email me details at vlegood@yahoo.co.uk? Thank you. I am really rooting for you on this one.

  13. Angie Says:

    I’m really hoping for you! April, April…. APRIL!!! I’m rooting for April! 🙂

  14. Heather Says:

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Waiting is torture and our husbands should know to just steer clear of doing anything remotely “helpful” during this time.

  15. Just another Jenny Says:

    I am crossing myself into a big pretzel hoping that you get the best news tomorrow.

    Black jeans with white towels? That’s as bad as my hubbie putting my bra’s with his greasy work clothes.

  16. Hopeful Mother Says:

    I hope Thursday’s beta comes quickly!

    My husband is decent with the laundry, but not after a few attempts at “whoops, I didn’t know I shrunk your favorite pair of pants. I guess I shouldn’t do the laundry.” I didn’t let that fly too long…

    I had a moody weekend too, but I don’t really have the hormones to blame now, just a little BFN-related depression.

    Hoping to see good news tomorrow!! April is a great month!

  17. lisalou Says:

    I swear this could have been a post on my own blog! I hear you. I hear you loud and clear.

  18. UtRus Says:

    i’m just checking in with you. i re-read your entire FET cycle. i can’t believe Beta day is tomorrow. i wish you luck, Beagle. and wonder-woman strength. hugs

  19. Lisa Says:

    Yes – poor you, poor me, poor all of us.

    I’ll be here tomorrow hoping for good news.

  20. Kristi Says:

    Just stopping by to wish you good luck today. Please let us know when you know something. I’ll be thinking of you all day today.

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