IF sabbatical

Thank you all so very much for your comments, kindness, sympathies, encouragement, and love. I appreciate your support more than words can say.

I just can’t organize my thoughts quite yet. I am taking a sabbatical while I regain my wits.

This Wednesday I meet Dr. Leaving-town (formerly known as Dr. P and / or Dr. Funnypants) to review this past / last cycle. I am not really into this idea, but what the hell. I do have a few last questions for him. I also have a whole post to write about the phone call where he gave me our latest bad news but went on to plug the new IVF center he is leaving town for. (No, this is not going to be a nice, cheery or hopeful post. It will be me bitching about tactlessness and inappropriate timing).

Thursday I meet with my IF counselor/therapist. I expect this appointment to be infinitely more useful.

I am trying to keep up with reading your updates but have left very few comments. For those cycling now, especailly the first timers, it would be too hard for me not to want to yell “run for the hills while you can . . . this is all to painful.” But, that would not be very helpful to you sweet lot nor will each of you have the shitty outcome I did. Though, it saddens my heart to know that at least a few of you may. I am pulling for you in my own silent, jaded, yet hopeful sort of way.

I have a gallery opening this weekend. Thursday is the preview reception and Friday is the official opening. So, somehow, I have to paste a smile on, find an outfit that still fits and pretend to be sociable, AKA human. Wish me luck. At least they are both wine and cheese receptions. So there is a shred of hope in that.

I hope to be blogging again by the weekend, but forgive me if it takes longer.


26 Responses to “IF sabbatical”

  1. Lori Says:

    Take all the time you need. We’ll be here in the meantime.
    I’m sorry Dr. Leaving-town was so tactless. As if you need that right now.
    I hope the appointment with the counselor proves to be useful and helps you get through all this.

  2. Kellie Says:

    I’m so sorry Beagle.

    IVF/IF is so so so hard.

    Dr. LT was a tactless ASS IMO.

  3. mm Says:

    Dr LT… what a fucktard. I’m so sorry.

  4. Meg Says:

    Dear Beagle,

    I hope you find that smile for your opening. Take as much time as you need. I’ll be there, waiting for your name bolded on my bloglines.

    Meg xx

  5. the waiting line Says:

    sorry this has been so difficult. it sucks, I know.

    yes, wine is a good thing. it is your friend!

  6. Pamplemousse Says:

    Wine and bitching always help, I find. You take all the time you need to get your head round your grief.

  7. Shazz Says:

    Tell ya wine has always been one of my best friends after a failed cycle or even just since starting ivf.
    Will pop in to see any updates!!

  8. annmarie Says:

    Take your time, and indulge in a few bottles of wine and a few blocks of cheese. Good luck at the doc’s….try not to maime him.

  9. Kristi Says:

    Beagle-Give me that doctor’s number and I will leave hateful messages on his answering machine for you.

    I hope your opening is able to give you a small amount of happiness, and we’ll all be here waiting for you when you get back.

  10. Just another Jenny Says:

    You doctor better have had a damn good reason for plugging that clinic at such an awful time.

    I hope your parties go well. A little cheese and a whole lotta wine sound perfect right now.

  11. MoMo Says:

    Beagle…take your time–we are not going anywhere. Thinking of you.

  12. Ellen K. Says:

    I’m thinking of you often, Beagle. Take all the time you need.

  13. soralis Says:

    I hope your appt. with the counselor gives you some peace or at least helps you a little. Big hug.

    Sounds like Dr. leaving-town needs a kick in the arse!

    I am so sorry you are in this lousey place… try to take care of yourself

  14. serenity Says:

    I am so fucking sorry, Beagle – I wish there was more I can do than offer words. Know I am thinking about you right now. *hug*

    Ditto mm’s comment about Dr. LT. Fucktard – I like the word. He was most definitely a fucktard

  15. Barely Sane Says:

    Blogging has really crept into my daily life. Last week, while on my bike trip, I passed by an artist gallery that was full of pottery items… I thought of you.

    I hope your counseling session is productive. Take whatever down time you need – we’ll all still be thinking of you.


  16. Mary Ellen and Steve Says:

    I am so sorry Beagle. This is all so damn hard sometimes. I hope that meeting with a counselor is helpful.

    Take all the time you need Beagle. We’ll be here for you when you get back. Hugs.

  17. Ornery Says:

    Take as much time off as you need. And tell that tactless Dr. L-T to go screw himself.

    Best of luck with your gallery opening. Lots of wine with a bit of cheese in between sips sounds like a great idea.

  18. PortLairge Says:

    Thinking of you.

  19. sube Says:

    Oh, Beagle. I’m just back from a break and am so sad to read your news. I wish there was something I could say, but it just sucks. It truly sucks. Take care of yourself. Drink lots of wine. We’ll be here when you get back.

  20. StellaNova Says:

    Enjoy your wine. Eat that soft cheese. Take all the time you need – nobody will be judging you here.

    Look after yourself.

  21. Sarah Says:

    Beagle, I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself.

  22. Kath Says:

    Dear Beagle, I am so sorry about your crushing news — I just found out about it. How I wish this had worked out for you. How I wish you didn’t have to feel this pain again.

    And how I wish your doctor had been more sensitive. What an unfeeling cad.

  23. Heather Says:

    Sorry you to deal with the tactless ass, also known as Dr. LT.

    Take all the time you need. As momo said, we aren’t going anywhere.

    Take care of yourself and have all the helping you desire of the wine!

  24. Thalia Says:

    Oh my goodness, Beagle, you take all the time you want. I’m glad you’re coping, I’m impressed you are still standing upright and thinking of going to wine and cheese parties!

    We’ll be here when you get back.

  25. ellie Says:

    beagle- I am so sorry! Hugs to you. Take care of what you need — and I totally get the stop/no stop issue. Will be here when you need us!

  26. N Says:

    I’ve beeen away for so long. Missing everything…

    Sweety I am so sorry that you are having bad news again. Why is this shit not working out for you? I hope that the talk you’ll have will reveal something, but if not (and I guess chances are high that they don’t know why it didn’t work out) I hope you find the strength to carrry on.

    I hope your gallery opening went fine and that the fake smile even turned into a real one for a minute or so.

    Take your time off, it’ll probably do you good. We are all here to welcome you back when you are ready.

    I’m very interested to hear what the tactless doc said…I can imagine though.

    Lots of love and hugs,


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