Two steps forward, Three steps back.

How’s this for a crazy idea? IUI after IVF??

Our current options are:

a) More IVF attempts

b) IUI with C.’s sperm and a special “wash” with chymotrypsin to get rid of the antibodies

c) IUI using a donor

d) Adoption

e) Forgoing parenthood

a) and d) are not really “options” at present due to exhausted funds and exhausted me. Adoption is too huge of an emotional hit for me right now since C. would really want domestic and the agony of waiting to be “chosen” would break my heart the rest of the way. (maybe in the future, but right now I can’t take it). I would do international adoption tomorrow if I could scrape up the money and talk C. into it. I don’t begrudge his hesistance. We don’t live in the most progrsssive area to be a multi-race family.

c) is a big decision with long term implications but an intriguing option that we would both be willing to at least consider further. It would however require quite a bit of thought and research, not to mention choosing said donor.

e) has never been an “option” for us, but the people at RESOLVE and our counselor insist that it is one of our “choices.” So for the sake of completelness I am including it. Part of me is starting to realize it may come to that in the end.

So . . . we’re going with b) for now.

And I do mean NOW. I took my first injection yesterday. Am I crazy or what? I think if I was any younger I would take a break to heal, recover, grieve, etc. But I cannot stand still at this stage. I have a HUGE sense of now or never. So, while I do not hold out a whole lot of hope for IUI after IVF, it will be different from before in that we now know how to at least try to tackle the antibodies (we did not even know we had this form of male factor when we did IUI before IVF). Also, we can do 12 tries at IUI for every 1 try at IVF, so statistically, I would like to think this may give us a chance.

Any thoughts?

In other news:

My gallery openings were, well, OK overall, but mainly painful. I am not equipped to socialize right now. I am in hibernation mode. I am in survival mode. Having two nights of cocktail hour small talk was almost enough to do me in. Thank God for alcohol! And the highlight of the two events: someone asked me if I am expecting. I could have died. I told her no, I’m just fat and headed to the bathroom to compose myself. This is a very casual acquaintance who has no reason to think I might be or want to be, etc., pregnant. Now what kind of an ass asks a woman if she’s pregnant? Bad idea in any case. What made me most mad of all is that her gut is bigger than mine, so what’s the deal there?? If I was pregnant and wanted folks to know, wouldn’t I be announcing it gleefully?? Would I be walking around with a glass of wine?? Anyway, I know it was not meant in malice, but ignorance can be equally painful. Sigh. Some people need serious tactfulness training.

Another example of tactfulness needed: Dr. Leaving-Town. He called to give me the negative beta news, expressed sympathy then launched right into the news that he is leaving and how great this new clinic is, blah, blah, blah . . . (What part of “We don’t have another $12,000 to throw into your bank account” doesn’t he understand????) I was so pissed, but I was also too busy holding my tears in to say much other than “uh, huh” . . . then hung up and bawled until I could not breathe normally. Then a week later at my follow up appointmnet I just did not have the nerve to tell him I think that was shitty of him. He tried to sell me on IVF yet again, and I said that the only way I’ll be doing that is if he hires me for his new practice and has free IVF as a staff benefit. Maybe he’ll think about it.

So, that’s me caught up. I cannot bring myself to write about the pain of this most recent loss. Mainly because I cannot allow myself to think about it. I am in a state of denial. Very Germanic of me . . . stoicism is the way of my ancestors. Pick yourself up by the God-damn bootstraps and keep on marching.

So march on I will . . . if all we can afford is an IUI, then so be it. At least it’s something. Because, right now, I feel as though doing nothing would hurt most of all.


22 Responses to “Two steps forward, Three steps back.”

  1. Meg Says:

    Beagle – It does sound weird.. heading back to IUI, hey? But if it’s a new, different opportunity for you, that’s a good thing.

    I’m glad you are at the point of being able to think through your options. They are there.

    You sound better. I’m glad. x

  2. daysgoby Says:

    It sounds like you’ve got a plan.

    A plan is always good.
    Much better than standing still.

    Giant hugs –


  3. annmarie Says:

    Hi Beagle, IVF is insanely expensive and the fact that you can do 12 IUIs at the same cost is amazing. 12 chances vs. 1 — go for it. I’m glad you’re feeling a little better.

  4. Kristi Says:

    Okay first of all, if someone had said to me what that horrible woman said to you, I would have thrown my drink in her face. What a bitch!

    I think your plan sounds like a solid one. It’s definitely different, going back to the IUI after IVF, but it’s worth a try. Did your RE give you a success rate for it? For example, IVF gives you X percentage of success and IUI gives you Y percentage of success?

    Most of all, I’m glad you’re moving forward.

  5. Ellen K. Says:

    I didn’t know you could get an extra-special wash for IUI… I’m going to look into this too. Hey, it’s a change in protocol and not an insignificant one. It sounds like it’s worth the try. Wishing you the best. You do sound better.

  6. Heather Says:

    What a vile witch! I can’t imagine what goes through peoples’ minds when they say tactless and cruel things like that!

    You are a better woman than I am. I’m not sure I could have walked away.

    Good luck with the IUI. It sounds promising.

  7. PortLairge Says:

    I cannot believe that silly cow. It must have taken all your strength not to hit her. Your plan sounds like a good one. I didn’t know they could wash the antibodies out. That is great. Good luck

  8. DD Says:

    Maybe that woman was trying to lead you into a discussion b/c she was? Some people are weird that way. She, obviously, more than others.

    Speaking from one who also is looking at doing IUIs after the IVFs, I totally get the thought process behind it when it comes to the expense. I think REs really push the IVFs because they want to get their patient base circulated as often as possible.

  9. Just another Jenny Says:

    I think that an IUI is a good idea with the new technique to deal with the anti-bodies. Like you said, with the price difference, it’s worth a try. I am glad you don’t have to sit and wait, that really is the worst.

  10. Leggy Says:

    Good luck with the IUI- sorry I’ve been out of touch. My laptop is down and its hard to communicate.

    I really hope the IUI treating with antibodies works this time. I know how hard this has been for you.

  11. Angie Says:

    A plan is a good thing to have! Good luck to you!

  12. Hopeful Mother Says:

    That does seem like a somewhat backwards idea… but you just never know! I think it is a great plan, and you have to look at the options available, or not available, to you to make the best decision.

    I am so proud of you for picking yourself up and moving on. You are unbelievably strong.


  13. StellaNova Says:

    The age thing is such a hard mental and physical hurdle. I would be doing exactly the same thing if I were in your position because ‘e’ isn’t really an option and 38 doesn’t give us time to ponder it anyway.

    And you’re trying something different and you have multiple attempts ahead of you. I think you’re being very positive to have this plan.

    Good luck.

  14. Millie Says:

    I think trying iui with a new twist is a great thing to be doing. Especially since it’s so affordable.

  15. sube Says:

    Beagle, nice to see you back. I’ve been thinking about you. And happy that you have a plan, even an unorthodox one. Who says we have to go in a straight line, anyway? Wishing you all the best.

  16. ellie Says:

    ok, you are a nicer person than I am-I’d have off and freaked out on that mean mean woman. Is there something in our society that makes some people say mean things to feel better about themselves? It’s just plain wrong! As for the IUI- I say go for it and it’s not backwards in my mind- it’s just a different path.

  17. GLouise Says:

    I am glad to see your new post.

    It is a bit ironic to do the IUI after IVF, but hey- I can relate to that feeling of not wanting to stand still. And it is less than the IVF!

    My RE recently offered me the option of doing an IUI, after failed IVF. So weird!

  18. soralis Says:

    I am hoping the IUI works for you. I was thinking of doing the same actually, IUI instead of another round of IVF.

    I really really am hoping all your dreams come true very soon! Take care

  19. Barely Sane Says:

    Beagle – I think IUI after IVF is great. We tried it but I over-stimmed and had to convert to IVF anyway. But I agree with you, it’s better than nothing.

    Good luck!!

  20. Rebecca Says:

    A woman I know through our local Resolve group had done a couple of IVFs that didn’t work. She wanted to launch right into the next IVF, but her RE wanted her to take a break for a couple of months. They compromised by agreeing to let her do an IUI on the very next cycle after her most recent unsuccessful IVF, and it worked. It doesn’t sound crazy, especially since now you know about the antibody issue and have a way to address it with the special wash.

    I’m sorry you had to endure that tactless idiot at the cocktail party. And good for you regarding the comment you made to Dr. Tactless about hiring you and providing free IVF! I think they forget that 99 percent of their patients don’t have bank accounts that are like theirs…

  21. Maya Says:

    The 1:12 cost ratio sounds pretty rational to me.

    I hope this assvice is okay…what about foster with or without adoption? The costs are greatly reduced. They give you quite a bit of counseling/financial support while fostering. Newborns and infants do come available.

    Also, I am reading this book “The Language of Infertility” by Niravi Payne. She has calmed a lot of my fears about raising FSH numbers and age. Hopefully this is all helpful. I am so sorry things haven’t worked already. I can see how much pain you are in. Hugs

  22. serenity Says:

    Beagle. I am heartened to hear that you have a plan you’re comfortable with. Ditto daysgoby – a plan is better than standing still.

    I would have bitch-slapped the tactless woman. Kudos to you for just walking away. 🙂

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