Realism vs Pessimism

Is it really pessimism to expect failure when failure is all you know? I like to call it realism. Well, I don’t really like to call it anything at all. But I think calling it realism is . . . well . . . realistic. My husband is an optimist. This is one of his many traits that I admire. It was one of the things that attracted me to him. But, now, it is kind of a barrier of sorts. I don’t want to pretend to be hopeful just to make him happy, I don’t want to rain on his parade either but I do kind of get irritated from time to time that he can just keep on thinking that “this time” it is going to work.

Maybe I am a pessimist after all. Maybe I am just a bitch. For sure I am just plain worn out from this cycle of hope-heartache-hope-heartache . . .

Today I had my progesterone level checked and it was fine. Good even. A nice P3 of 27 point something. I called C. to fill him in and he said something sweet like “that’s great” and “see, everything is going well” . . . I couldn’t just say uh-huh and smile through the phone. I had to say “you know it doesn’t mean this has worked.” I am such a kill joy. But why not accept it now instead of in another seven days??

I need to get more sleep. I have been having nasty dreams, and when those aren’t wrecking my restorative delta waves, then our senile cat is. She can’t tell day from night anymore and she is going deaf so she meows very loudly at all hours of the day or night to go outside. I am starting to wish her 9th life would come and go so I can sleep.

Now, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I am a cat adoring nut, so for me to wish one ill means I am not doing so well on the Pollyanna scale. I am just so damn tired. * And I’m not even sure anymore if it is physically sleep deprived tired, mentally “depressed” tired, or just plain sick and tired. Maybe some of each.

*(Note to my IRL blogger pal, my fatigue predates our “ran longer than we planned” dinner date.)

I will nap all weekend if I must, in an attempt to be civil in the next week of my 2ww. Wishing for some peace and quiet and some delta waves . . .


17 Responses to “Realism vs Pessimism”

  1. Andrew Says:

    You are obviously under a lot of stress, to the point where it seems to be feeding upon itself. You’re right in that hope can set you up for disappointment, but it can also be the juice that gives us the energy to slog through the daily grind. How about this – I wrote about it in a story called Can’t Dream Without Him. Maybe it won’t help … or maybe it will … or maybe it’ll just fill a few moments. Either way, I hope you’re feeling better soon.

    “To Love, Honor and Dismay”

  2. sube Says:

    I’m so with you on the realism thing. It sounds so much healthier than pessimism, doesn’t it? Not sure it is, but it sounds it, and that’s enough for me.

    Hope you get some sleep.

  3. the waiting line Says:

    wishing you peace and delta waves

  4. Bea Says:

    There are moments for optimism, and moments for pessimism, and moments for realism.

    Now… the moments your moments are in synch with his moments… they’re the best moments. But rare. Oh, so pitifully rare sometimes.


  5. Kath Says:

    Dear Beagle, it’s so hard to keep all those feelings of hope, anxiety and despair under control in yourself, and then to have to cope with your partner’s emotions on top of your own (especially when the emotions are out of sync) is doubly difficult.

    Hoping you get some good sleep soon. Hoping you get some good news soon. Thinking of you.

  6. Lindy Says:

    Bea put it well about hope and pessimism. And Kath about hoping for sleep for now and good news for later.

    Hang in there, Beagle! (picturing ubiquitous kitten poster)

  7. Lut C. Says:

    I’m a realist too, at least that’s what I call it. 🙂
    I can’t imagine treatment ever getting us anywhere, though I know it could work.

    My husband gave me the think positive line too last time. I told him he could be the optimist in the household. I’m putting in enough effort as it is.

    Sleep tight and sweet dreams!

  8. DD Says:

    I think we have a tendency to sit on the opposite end of the teeter-totter of our S.O.s. If we are optimistic, they keep us grounded and vice-versa.

    Sometimes they know Hope is a heavy load and they willingly carry the burden for us.

  9. Angie Says:

    Wishing you peace and lots of rest!

  10. MoMo Says:

    I hope you get some much needed sleep and rest….thinking of you!

  11. Debbi Says:

    I know, those progesterone-induced dreams really suck, Beagle. Hang in there. I hope the 2ww flies by for you!

  12. SmarshyBoy Says:


    My wife and I are the same way – she’s realistic (which, in infertilityland, sounds just like pessimism) and I am very positive.

    Really, I think it has alot to do with the fact that no matter how much we love our wives, husbands just don’t and can’t understand. We see you hurting and we want to end it. If you say something negative, we want to reassure you. I also, every month, say “I know its going to work this month” and I can literally see the veins in my wife’s head start to bulge in rage. I’m clueless, but well-meaning, so I say something hopeful.

    After our most recent BFN, when my wife totally buckled under the grief, she had a long talk with a fertility shrink. The shrink said husbands are good at hugging but can never understand and their cluelessness can make you feel like a bitch. Don’t give us that power! Really, we just want to help…

  13. Mary Ellen and Steve Says:

    Try to hang in there Beagle. Wishing you lots of peace, quiet, and delta waves. Hugs.

  14. StellaNova Says:

    I think we are married to the same man!! Mr “this one is going to work, I just know it” is infuriating at times, although he keeps me from going too far the other way. Hang in there because, he just might be right.
    Take care xx

  15. Shop Girl Says:

    My husband and I are actually opposite of you and yours…he is the eternal pessimist/realist, and I am the optimist. However, on our first true IUI cycle this month, and during our 2WW, he actually admitted to me that he is optimistic that this may be the month that we finally conceive. Boy, did that throw me for a loop. He has always been so damn realistic! I was chatting with my best friend tonight about my infertility woes, and she was dishing about some female issues she’s having, and the fact that her boyfriend is a royal jerk about it – he makes stupid jokes in an effort to cheer her up, and receives a stoney silence. We summed it up with – sometimes our men just aren’t gonna get it, and that’s when it’s a great time to call your girlfriends. Or in this case, your blog friends? Best wishes to you during your 2WW, and thanks so much for all your comments on my blog!

    Shop Girl

  16. Sarah Says:

    I think reality is good and it is different from pessimism. If we were totally pessimistic, we would go through all this. We would wallow in our bad fortune and never allow hope to creep in. Reality allows us to protect ourselves emotionally while deep in our hearts still hope for what might come. Take care.

  17. soralis Says:

    I am all for pessimism… I think it’s some kind of coping strategy. I would rather expect and prepare for the worst and hope for the best. It helps me from getting to dissapointed.

    Take care

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