All I wanted was a sandwich

There I was yesterday, standing in line at my favorite deli, waiting for my pastrami on rye, hold the spicy mustard, when Zen left me yet again. A conversation, none too discreet, drifted in through my ears. The cashier and another employee where having an earnest discussion about how babies are the only good left in the world. So, why do people throw them in dumpsters? WTF? Is this casual lunch conversation for some people?? She went on and on about recent and ancient news stories and about how awful it all is (I agree) and how there is this law now, you know, the one that allows mothers to drop their babies off at firehalls, no questions asked, etc., . . . and on . . . and on.

All I wanted was a sandwich and some Zen on my lunch break.

I did not want to think about how people throw babies in dumpsters while women like us would give anything to have one. I did not say a thing. I plastered my fakest smile on, paid for my sandwich and left. But it haunted me. The world is so unfair at times.

I wonder, should we, the infertile, have T-shirts printed up. “I survived IVF but failed to get pregnant, please don’t torment me with dead or abused baby stories” or “I would give my right arm to be pregnant so please don’t tell me that you weren’t even trying while you rub your big round belly” or “Yes, we’ve had him “checked” too thanks for asking!” . . . there could be one hundred variations on this T-shirt. An endless variation on a theme for all the stories we have lived.

I have to say that life is crazy. It is just really crazy. It makes me wonder how many times I’ve said something that was overheard by some poor soul who was having a hard time with my topic du jour. How about all those teenage years spent crash dieting. Did I offend someone suffering from hunger?

In happier news. I saw two lines yesterday. No, not the kind I ultimately crave, but two lines all the same. I had an LH surge! How exciting. This means very little except that the metformin does appear to be shortening my cycle. My “normal” is 38 days. My RE’s ideal is 28 days. So if those two lines mean anything at all (on cd 19), then I am halfway to making my RE happy. At any rate I should have a period in 14 days give or take.

Then what?

I’ll get back to you on that one. (Please loving and supportive posse of infertiles, DO NOT encourage me to be hopeful about this cycle that isn’t really a cycle . . . I am crazy enough on my own. I would love to be the blogosphere’s next urban legend but lets only consider that if and when it happens).

In the mean time, lets play:

What would you have printed on your Infertility Awareness T-shirt?

Next week is National Infertility Awareness Week


18 Responses to “All I wanted was a sandwich”

  1. EJW Says:

    Something along the lines of “I WAS relaxed the first six months!”

  2. Thalia Says:

    Here are a few:

    Reflexology didn’t get me pregnant
    Accupuncture didn’t get me pregnant
    Adopting and still not pregnant
    Childless: ask me how!
    One of grrl’s broken uterus pictures

    hmm, I’m sure there are more. I may be back later.

  3. Beagle Says:

    I can already see that this is going to be fun!

    You girls are the BEST!
    >^..^< Here’s another from me: Infertile, childless and bitter . . . got a problem with that??

  4. Starfish Says:

    “Yes I know what they say.
    No it doesn’t mean I will get pregnant now.
    Yes, you are an idiot”
    “Infertile: Assvice not required”
    “BFN and bitchy, proceed with caution”
    “Let me guess, you’re pregnant too”

    Oh I’m definitely coming back. You should have a contest.

  5. Leggy Says:

    In honor of my current post how about something like:

    “If you know I’ve just had a miscarriage, don’t invite me to your house where every other woman is rubbing their bellies and talking due dates, without even warning me.”

    But alas, its not quite short and pithy enough. I like everyone else’s suggestions.

  6. DD Says:

    If you thought a Picasso’s paintings were effed up and expensive, you should try REAL A.R.T.

  7. Anonymous Says:

    I hope you don’t mind me posting here. I almost didn’t. I just wanted to answer your question about the t-shirt. I’ve actually thought about this a lot in the last few months.

    Mine would say “Yes, I may look like a lucky, pregnant fertile but this bun took almost 3 years, PCOS, and a misscarriage to stick. Don’t judge.”

    I don’t mean that in a bad way, I hope you don’t take it that way. I have actually posted about my guilt regarding being an inferile and finally getting pregnant, it’s a weird place to be.

    Anyway, your post was great and so is your blog. I hope you get that zen feeling back soon.

  8. Debbi Says:

    “What would you have printed on your Infertility Awareness T-shirt?” probably something like “Don’t bug me, IF makes me bitter” Of course, I started bitter.. hm. along the lines of what brandy said.. “Bitter AND pregnant”

    hope you get that period soon so you can move forward.

  9. Carol Says:

    How about:

    “Yes, I know you’re pregnant.
    And no, I don’t want to hear about it.” (in honor of the co-worker yesterday who felt the need to just blurt out to me “did you know i was having a baby”. ugh.)

    And to Brandy: I’d love for gals like you to have a t-shirt or something that let me know that you are pregnant after being infertile. Because you’re the only ones I can be happy for these days. I never, ever feel bitter about someone I know got pregnant after struggling – it’s just the ones who have such an easy time of it that I love to hate.

  10. GLouise Says:

    Great question, dear Beagle!!

    Hmm… Some thoughts of mine lately:

    Yes, we HAVE thought about starting a family.

    No, I am NOT Too Stressed!

    Childless but not by choice.

  11. Anonymous Says:

    I love all the suggestions, especially DD’s. I can’t think of anything right now, but I’ll think about it!

  12. Anonymous Says:

    Well, I think day 19 is a fine time to ovulate, and I don’t care if your RE has a hundred more degrees in fertility medicine than I do.

    T-shirts… t-shirts… damn I never was good at these… but the others here rock.


  13. Millie Says:

    What a great question!

    I’d love it if folks had t-shirts like Brandy suggested. Because I’m always trying to come up with a backstory when I see a pregnant woman and, believe me, it never involves sex.

    My current personal one would have to be something along the lines of:

    Just how is is gonna ‘just happen’ if I don’t have freakin’ tubes.

    No tubes = no miracle baby.

  14. Kristi Says:

    Here’s mine: No, It’s Not God’s Will for Me to be Barren, So F-Off.


  15. soralis Says:

    (So sorry for everything that you are going through!)

    Love the T-Shirt idea.

    I am infertile… don’t tell me if it’s meant to be it will happen cause I might just have to HURT you… badly!

    Take care

  16. Mary Ellen and Steve Says:

    I think that mine would say:

    “One cycle of IVF…$25,000

    One vial of donor sperm….$450

    Your advice on how we can best manage our infertility…worthless.”

  17. Kath Says:

    Dear Beagle, I once saw a T-shirt saying “I can’t bear children.” I loved that on so many levels — can’t you imagine it throwing people for a loop?

    Yes, no doubt we all have unwittingly said something to hurt somebody. The fact is, most people take babies for granted (I mean the existence of babies) — just as most of us IF bloggers take a stable relationship for granted, or the idea that a child has a “mom” and a “dad.” My experience with IF has made me more aware (I hope) of some assumptions of mine, and of how not to project them on to others. But I’m sure it still happens…

  18. ellie Says:

    Ok, who can resist a t-shirt 🙂

    Here are mine:

    If i had a dime for every home remedy to get pregnant I’d adopt a country.

    IVFer’s do it longer.

    For the women that have struggled with IF- a tshirt that says “My child is a work of A.R.T.”

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