Information Overload

Yesterday C. and I went to RESOLVE’s Annual Family Building Symposium. There were three information sessions and each session had three topics to choose from. Since we’ve been through pretty much every treatment option, we chose all the topics related to adoption. They were: 1) Domestic adoption is it right for you? 2) International adoption: how to choose a country and 3) Effects of orphanage living on child development.

They were all very interesting, the last one most so. My heart just breaks to think of all those abandoned kids out there. In some of the poorest orphanages the kids spend 23 hours a day in a crib or playpen, get picked up only for diaper changes, are fed by propped bottles and have no toys. None. They learn to pick lint on their bedding or scratch at chipped paint (often lead paint) on cribs and walls to entertain themselves. They often don’t develop normal language skills because no one talks to or answers them. It is so very sad. Utterly heartbreaking.
That said, most of these kids catch up and surpass milestones in a HUGE hurry once they are placed with a loving family. That was the biggest thing I got out of that session. Be prepared for the worst, but in all likelihood your adopted child will progress in leaps and bounds. Children are amazingly resilient to even the worst conditions and they respond to love. The younger the better. Beyond the age of two these kids often have long term problems. That is the most heartbreaking group of all.

Many of my fears about domestic adoption were also allayed. I guess my preference is still for international, but I am now open enough to domestic that if C. can’t make peace with international then I can make peace with domestic.

It also hit home, more than ever, how ignorant people are about the adoption process (myself included, but thankfully less so now). My blood just boils when people say why don’t you “just” adopt. They have no idea how much effort and love goes into it. How much heartache. And it’s not just all about us, that want a child, it’s about the child, the birth mother giving up the child for whatever range of complex reasons, the social issues that are creating these scenarios, etc., not to mention the long term issues of it all.

It was a day well spent.

I also won a one hour massage in the lunchtime raffle! Bonus!

I met a woman at lunch who is my doppelganger. Same age, similar IF treatment story, same utterly exhausted, empty eyed look about her. We clicked instantly. I only wish I had suggested exchanging phone numbers.

This is not a paid advertising or anything, but I am three years into my infertility saga and I just now joined RESOLVE. I wish I had done it sooner. They really offer some great resources. A lot of it you can access on their website without joining.

This is National Infertility Awareness Week and November is Adoption Awareness Month so there are a lot of special events and sessions being offered right now. Just a thought if anyone is feeling lost out there. The symposium also had info on egg donation, surrogacy, coping with holidays, family, stress . . . and some of the more general “beginner” stuff for people just starting their struggle.

In other news, we had scary winds this weekend, and living in the woods, we now have an incredible amount of twigs and branches to pick up. The leaves are daunting enough this time of year, but the yard clean up this year won’t be accomplished my the leaf blower alone!
C. and I fired my kiln again this weekend and got some more nice pots. (The naked ones are all dressed up now.)

Poor C. had some hideous flu. He aches all over. He stayed home today (very rare for him to miss work). I am afraid it’s the Lymes back to haunt him.

Our oldest cat goes to the vet tomorrow for bloodwork and an ultrasound. (And she’s not even trying to get pregnant.) Poor Mags is in renal failure. The ultrasound is to see how bad and the bloodwork is to see if she has a thyroid issue on top of it by now. Poor thing. I’m afraid we’ll lose her soon. She weighs 6 lbs, down from her normal 11 lbs. Medical treatment at this stage involves daily subcutaneous fluids. Maggie is not a sweet docile cat. She is our wild child. She has loving moments, but in general she is a big grump and even a mean at times. She’s a humane society rescue that never did get very tame. Still we will miss her, she’s family.

15 Responses to “Information Overload”

  1. Barely Sane Says:

    I’m so glad you had a good time at the RESOLVE meetings. I echo everything you said about adoption. EVERYTHING!! I guess it’s much like IF, unless you’ve lived it you have no idea how off-base some of your ideas & comments can be.

    Hope you find a path that meets both yours & C’s needs & desires.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Glad the info. sessions went well. The conditions in the orphanages sound so horrific.

    Sorry about the kitty! Poor thing! That’s a lot of weight for a cat to lose.

  3. Starfish Says:

    I’m glad that the Resolve meeting was informative. Hopefully C felt that way too? Adoption is such a completely unique experience for every person I’m sure you’ll find the route that’s best for you.

    Sorry about your kitty. Give her lots of love when you can.

  4. steph Says:

    I was glad to hear about the RESOLVE group. I will most definitely be checking into this as we proceed down this path.
    I look forward to adoption month every year because a lot of ‘my’ kids adoptions are finalized then! They have these events at court with media and all. It’s a beautiful thing~
    Congrats on the massage! See, things are already positive (0:

  5. annmarie Says:

    I’m proud of you for attending that meeting! I hope you guys find your path soon. This is a great start though.

    So sorry about the kitty…that breaks my heart

  6. serenity Says:

    I have been meaning to join RESOLVE, but I am thinking I should do that.

    The stories I hear about children in orphanages break my heart. Poor babies. šŸ˜¦

    And your poor kitty Mags – I am so sorry to hear that. šŸ˜¦

  7. amanda Says:

    That’s great that the symposium was helpful. I’m so very sorry about your kitty, though. We lost one of ours to renal failure a year ago and have another who is dealing with it right now. It’s so tough.

  8. Robin Says:

    No, I think a punctured bladder might be worse…LOL.. but thank you for the sympathy:)

    How the meeting you went to seems so interesting!! How did you find out about it?

  9. Anonymous Says:

    Thanks for the post; I may just go check out the RESOLVE site. I looked into it when we first got our diagnosis of azoospermia, but was in too much of a fog of shock to get anything out of it. Good luck as you continue your education on adoption. I once had a wild kitty as well…and I miss him, too.

  10. PortLairge Says:

    Good luck with your kitty. Hope all goes well at the vet. I’m glad you found the Resolve meeting helpful.

  11. Millie Says:

    Glad you had a good conference. Ours was on Saturday and was good, but not very well attended.

    We don’t get door prizes. Im sooooo jealous. Maybe that’s the key?

  12. Kristi Says:

    That’s great that you got so much out of your Resolve group meetings. I think adoption is one of the most amazing acts a person can commit themselves too, and if that’s the route you take to parenthood, that’s just incredible.

    And I’m so sorry about your kitty. I’ll keep her (and you, as I always do) in my thoughts.

  13. Sarah Says:

    It is great to hear that you got so much out of your time at RESOLVE. Adoption is such a long and involved process; it is a shame that people are so insensitive to that fact. Good luck with the clean up from your nasty windstorm!

  14. Anonymous Says:

    I’m so sorry about your cat. I know they only have their short time, so I can only hope she doesn’t suffer.


  15. The Town Criers Says:

    Thanks for posting this information about RESOLVE. And about adoption. I have to get on the ball and post about National Adoption Awareness Month (it’s been on a post-it stuck to my keyboard). Glad you got so much information out of the sessions.

    And I’m so sorry about your cat. Poor kitty.

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