Back on topic: catching up

Last weekend C. and I went to another RESOLVE meeting, again about adoption. (November is adoption month, so there’s more going on than usual.) This one was slightly less useful than the first but still worthwhile. I should say less useful to us specifically because it was pretty general and we are getting down to specifics now. They did have some adoptive parents there to speak which was very helpful and reassuring. I got weepy several times. There was more representation for international and waiting child (meaning older) fostadopt than for domestic but that reflects the trends. We did meet an interesting woman who is an adoption consultant and she basically helps you get through the homestudy, find which adoption path suits you best and helps connect you with the “right” agencies, lawyers, whatever. (For a feee of about $2,000 on top of all the regular adoption costs.) Her emphasis was domestic private in states that have the “better” laws (meaning short or no waiting periods for termination or birthparent rights.) I’m not sure how I feel about that. I think we can do our own research and save that money but on the other hand, it might really speed things up and reduce my stress level. Also, her promise of a track record for placing in less than a year has my brain wheels turning a bit!

I’m also starting to put the feelers out with friends and associates . . . it can’t hurt. Someone may know someone who knows someone and all that.

The one library book I am reading is really good. It is helping to answer my birthparent and open adoption questions. I feel less afraid of it the more I learn.

Next topic . . . On to Thanksgiving:

We were invited to C.’s brother’s for dinner. My SIL is a bit of a wing ding and has a talent for saying foot in mouth kind of things. Their kids are great but it’s always a trade off dealing with some of the adults. SIL’s parents are wing dings too and the balance tends to tip on the wing ding side even on a good year. This year I am just having an overwhelming aversion to the holidays and family gatherings anyway. But then when we got the news that SIL’s brother and his new wife who (drummroll . . . is pregnant!) we both decided that tipped the scales too far. Just a minute bit of background: the father-to-be beat his first wife so she left him. So all I can think here, with my infertility blinders on, is the wife beater gets to have a kid but we don’t. The world is SO unfair . . . blah, blah, blah . . . Seriously though, we barely know these folks and even if he is a swell guy now and completely reformed, I still can’t handle all the pregnancy related conversation that will be the topic of the day. Oh, and they married in June and are due in February, so it’s even *probably* an unplanned pregnancy. How fitting is that. So we made our excuses and decided to boycott turkey day altogether.

Fast forward to this week . . . we find out that C’s sister’s husband’s grandfather just died and so BIL will be out of state at a funeral. So the SIL that I actually like will be home alone with a baby and a toddler. New plan: we’re going there. I’m good with that. She has been one of the more supportive people during our three year ordeal. Also, I *lurve* my niece and nephew and I just bought fresh play-doh for Xmas which I will of course just give him NOW.

Later in the weekend we will do dinner with my folks. They are transplanted German Canucks so they don’t care as much which day we do T-giving. (Canadian Thanksgiving is in October anyway which is what we celebrated all my childhood years.) We are also ditching all tradition and eating a pork roast at SIL’s and beef with my parents (rouladen & knoedel, a German thing . . . Yumm . . . ). No turkeys for us! I am making homemade apple pie and a butternut squash dish I love with fresh spinach and dried cranberries. (And I SO hope that spinach is no longer “bad”!)

Oh and on a final note, no more turkey friends for me either. I wrote a succinct note thanking her for her assvice, errr . . . advice and I AM taking care of myself and that is why I have to sever this toxic friendship. Good Luck and Good-bye.


8 Responses to “Back on topic: catching up”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    YAY! Good for you! It seems to me that more people (or maybe just more in my circle of friends) are avoiding the “traditional” (read: horrible) holiday feasts and doing their own thing this year. I think it is so wonderful. I hope you have a super time with the play-doh!!

  2. Anonymous Says:

    anon – go troll somewhere else, we aren’t interested in your drivel

  3. Beagle Says:

    To the troll who said: “Better for whom? You, obviously. Let’s think about someone other than ourselves.”

    That’s why better is is quotes, but maybe you weren’t bright enough to figure that out.

  4. Josie Says:

    Who is this anon? I think a fertile is lurking. Don’t they realize that they invade every aspect of our lives so let us have our blogs??

    I have the same feelings about Thanksgiving (I have lots of pg cousins) and with the recent turn of events I considered boycotting it also. Unfortunately, my grandma is convinced she will die soon and even sent out invites this year so I have to go.

    Glad you are taking care of yourself! I am eager to hear more about the adoption path – perhaps it will inspire me to get going.

  5. The Town Criers Says:

    Never saw anon’s post, but I can guess the wording… Listen, the whole thing is a freakin’ balance beam act. You give and you take and you hopefully end up in the middle. And if you only gave and gave, you’d fall off. You need to take steps to protect your own heart as well. And if anyone doesn’t get that, they’re missing the point of holidays and celebrations in general.

    I’m glad it worked out and you’re having nice, turkey-less plans for Thursday (as a vegetarian, the food on the holiday doesn’t really do it for me). And I hope some of your wishes have been coming true.

    The adoption thing sounds a bit like college counselors–worth the money if the stress is your biggest concern. But perhaps not worth the money when considering the big picture. My sister used a college counselor. I did not. We both ended up going to the same school. But we also had a very different approach to applying to college. Does that make sense? You may end up in the same place using an adoption counselor or not. It’s just whether you need some of those stressors removed. And that’s a valid reason to use her as any.

  6. My Reality Says:

    I hope that you have a great non-traditional Thanksgiving.

    I have never heard of an adoption consultant before, but if she has good connections and a good track record, really, what is another $2k. I hope that something works out soon.

  7. Barely Sane Says:

    If you can spend that little money to get less stress, GO FOR IT!!! But don’t kid yourself, adoption is stressful for everyone, no matter what you do.
    I’m glad you are getting good info on adoption, or at least a better picture of what it entails.
    Is there some sort of Adoptive Parents Association you can join to get more info? We have stuff like that up here and they offer some awesome info classes to parents who have or will be adopting. I’d say our biggest and most re-assuring class was the birthmom panel. It shed a whole new light on openess for us and really put our minds at ease.

    BTW, when do you test after the IUI??? Fingers crossed still for ya!

  8. Anonymous Says:

    Sounds good. And wow – under a year, hey? That’s fast. But still some issues to work through, obviously.

    Hope you enjoy your thanksgiving.


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