SIS: All Clear

SIS=Saline Infused Sonogram. Mine is normal. My RE repeated this just to humor me, and I am glad she did (though the cramping was a bugger! I forgot to take Advil beforehand.)

On a recent follie check U/S the tech saw a fibroid and after what just happened I got obsessed that this was the root of all of my troubles. (Ya right, it should be that easy!) Well, my uterine cavity is normal. My RE is convinced that I can get pg. She was also VERY understanding about what I’ve been through so far and would not blame me one bit if I just wanted to quite treatment. I told her I am on the verge of doing so and embracing adoption fully. She supports that if that is what I want.

You see, we have sort of a sad little history. Yeah, sure I went through 7 IUI’s before we did IVF. But the glitch in our case was that they didn’t take the male factor seriously until we did that extra antibody test right before IVF. Until then they kept downplaying (they being Dr. Left-town) the male factor. We had shitty morphology (5%) but Dr. LT kept insisting that this was not such a big problem if we do IUI and even less so if we do IVF.

The thing is all the IUI’s were literally useless in hindsight considering the antibodies. They all but completely disable the sperm. And when I said to the new RE yes, but we had nice embryos for IVF and still they did not implant so that has to be me right? She said not necessarily. If it’s a chromosomal issue then it could still be male factor, nice embryos or not. (Dr. LT gave us the impression it was all the eggs doing whether the embryo was good or bad.) So, what to do? Follow my heart (which is sure I CAN get pg if I persist) or admit that I am just spent and I am running out of time and adoption is a wonderful thing and in cold hard facts, at this point it’s the most efficient and most economically sensible thing to do (Trolls, don’t even bother slamming me for that . . . life is not all touchy feely nicey nice shit, there is reality to figure in too, no matter how politically incorrect!)

So . . . I am taking this cycle off, no matter what. I can barely face Christmas as it is. But January is my fresh start. All I know is I have to move forward, it’s a matter of choosing a direction. So what do I do?

A) Keep trying?
B) Focus on and embrace adoption?
C) Try to juggle both and lose my last shred of sanity??

(This is a largely rhetorical, thinking out loud, kind of post. But feel free to throw in your $0.02)

(Unless your name is Troll.)

Oh, and some housekeeping:

I refuse (so far) to upgrade to beta. So it seems this has pissed off the beta gods because I can no longer comment on blogger blogs.

I’m undecided about a lot of things right now, and how to improve my blogging world is kind of low on the list (for the moment). I WILL fix this. I am just not sure whether I want to succumb to pressure and switch to beta or to switch altogether (to wordpress or the like). If I go that far, then I would like to give my whole blog a facelift and that will not happen before the holiday shit passes. I can’t handle extra challenges right now, certainly not nonessential ones.

So, why bore you with this? I just want you to know that I am still reading (somewhat less than normal) and I am here, I am just not motivated to fix this right now so I am a silent lurker where I would normally comment. If you have typepad this does not seem to be an issue. So, I’m not playing favorites like we girls used to do in grade school . . . I am just too fucking tired to figure out anything more complex than typing a few random thoughts, running spellchecker (if you’re lucky) and hitting “publish” . . . forgive my lazy ass . . . the nicer Beagle will reemerge eventually.

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17 Responses to “SIS: All Clear”

  1. My Reality Says:

    I think you will have to follow your heart about which path to choose. It is a tough decision to make, no matter which path you choose.

    I figured out how to get around the blogger beta shit – I created a new profile in blogger beta, just so I could comment, but didn’t change my blog over. I am also thinking of moving elsewhere, but don’t know where.

    Beagle, I wish you all the best and I hope you survive the holiday season ok.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    It really makes me upset that doctors seem to look only as far as CMM when it comes to determining if there is MFI involved. So many diagnostic tests that can be done for men are completely non-invasive and inexpensive, too.

    I think a change of scenery in 2007 will recharge you in unexpected ways.

  3. Starfish Says:

    I think you already know this about me, but I did both, but knowing thata the IVF cycle was my last. I was glad I did, but you should do what feels right for you

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Ah, which to choose. That’s the eternal question. Someone once told me the Opra (I think) method of asking yourself how the decision will affect you in ten minutes, ten days, ten years. Unfortunately for your decision this may be of only marginal help – so many unknowns to throw in there. But heck – why not try it anyway? It’s the only assvice I’ve got.

    Glad your SIS came up looking fine. Well, glad insofar as fine=good although obviously it doesn’t give you a clear choice.

    No trolling from me about making decisions based on cold, hard practicalities. You’re right about this being, unfortunately, the real world.

    Bea

  5. Lut C. Says:

    I should take notes on all my bloggy friends. Have you ever posted whether you would consider the donor route?
    Not that I think it’s an easy answer to anything. It’s my latest obsession.

    Having been PG, I would imagine it being a difficult step to even think of. But if the MF is the cause …

    This is why I’m hoping our next attempt will give us a clearcut answer: “No, you two will never make embryos” or “Yes, it’s just a matter of putting back the right one now”.
    Is that to much to ask? Probably, it is.

  6. TeamWinks Says:

    I chose path C. Now, that is finished. I’m now embracing B. I think you need to do what feels right for you.

    I saw leave Blogger, becuase I’m tired of beta blogger blocking my comments!

  7. Anonymous Says:

    It doesn’t matter what I think – you have to do what is best for you. Regardless, you are gonna rock as a mother.

    You know you want to come to the Dark Side. Beta isn’t that bad, really. Come on, try it. Just once.

  8. Anonymous Says:

    It is a TOUGH decision. After we learned that we had male infertility we went straight to adoption. I figured that I would spend just as much money if not more on fertility treatments and I didn’t know how much stress it would put on me, and my emotional and physical health. I also KNEW that I would come out of it w/a baby and I could do all the fertilty treatments and possibly end up w/no baby. That being said adoption does have its own issues.

    I switched to beta blogger and haven’t had any issues. It is sort of cool the way I can just change my template so easily.

  9. Anonymous Says:

    J and I are struggling with this choice too – it’s such a tough decision. Ultimately we’re going to go with what feels best. AFTER the holidays, anyway.

    I think. 🙂

    I also upgraded to beta blogger, but not because of the comment thing. I actually haven’t had any problems with it- and updating my template is pretty damn easy. No more html.

  10. Anonymous Says:

    Pray. Whenever I’m stuck in deciding, I ask for strength and guidance from Him. He’ll show you the way. Just follow your heart and put your trust in Him.

  11. Hopeful Mother Says:

    Beagle,

    I also can’t remember if you have talked about donors in the past – but it is something I plan to incorporate in our thought process too. Donor sperm, donor eggs, donor embryo?

    My only assvice is that you need to be “ready” to focus on and embrace adoption, and truly be done “mourning” the loss of a biological child and the other medical treatment options. Don’t put expectations on yourself to make the jump quickly or without a lot of hard thinking. That being said, if your heart is open for adoption you should absolutely go for it.

    How does Mr. Beagle feel about next steps?

    I’m so sorry that you are in this situation, and I hope that you two can come to a plan for where to go next.

    {HUGS}

    p.s. BAH to Blogger Beta!

  12. Sarah Says:

    Tough decisions for sure. Hopefully taking a cycle off will give you some time to ponder and follow your heart.

  13. ellie Says:

    Take the break and decide after you feel rested. I somehow find that every time I am ready to hang up my hat- something unknown causes me to continue trying– this last time the RE who said- umm, why would we use DEs when we have no idea about whether you have good ones or not– has led us back down this path again. But yeah, I totally understand – I am so incredibly tired. — I hope that taking a break and resting helps you — decide with your heart and remember that the nice thing about decisions is we can always change our mind.
    Hugs to you.

  14. Anonymous Says:

    Oh Beagle, you have had such a shitty end to 2006 I don’t even know how you could embrace the holiday season.

    My previous dr. also did not take our MF seriously and we wasted a lot of money, time, and most importantly hope and energy and on cycles that were doomed from the start.

    I don’t envy your decision and the process you will take to get there. I know only you can decide what is the best route, but please lean on us for support.

  15. Barely Sane Says:

    Wow… really tough decision
    a)leave blogger as is
    b)upgrade to beta
    c)switch to something else

    Okay okay… just a touch of humour there. You’re the only one I can post on these days!! Damn beta blogger…..

    You know what, there’s no wrong answer. There’s no wrong choice. It’s all good, it’s all do-able, it’s all good.
    Personally, I drew my line in the sand and when we did our last IVF, I dont even think I waited 2 days before I started calling adoption agencies (I’d already researched them tho). And we know the end result of that decision – 6 mos later I’m a mom.

    But still…. it was NOT an easy decision to make. To be honest, my heart was not in our last IVF. I’d have gladly skipped it but DH wanted one last try, so I did.

    Hugs

  16. Claudia Says:

    I could be off base, but it doesn’t sound like you’re done TTC. Whatever decision you make, I hope it brings you some much needed peace…

  17. Kellie Says:

    Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you. Trite, eh? Good luck Beagle.

    I too have had problems commenting since I didn’t “upgrade”. Ugh.

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