Beagle’s 12 coping tips for Christmas

1) Consider becoming a Jehovah’s Witness around December 1st, then switch back to your denomination of choice on December 26 in time for the sales.

2) Eat Chocolate. Try my current favorite “recipe” . . . simply melt 4 dove promises on toast and slice a banana over top and voila . . . a healthy, mood lifting sandwich.

3) Drink. Alcohol. A lot of it.

4) For every gift you buy someone else, get yourself one too (I overheard this one at the hair salon.)

5) When in doubt refer back to #3

6) Go on a cruise to the tropics.

7) Wear earplugs to any family gathering you must attend and just smile and nod at everyone all day. If you have long or pouffy hair and can get away with it, stick earbuds in and listen to your iPod. (Not that I actually have an iPod.)

8) Volunteer to serve a meal at a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter. It’s guaranteed to make your shit seem less shitty, at least for a little while.

9) If this just makes you more depressed refer back to #3

10) If you’re stuck hosting the family gathering, find a way to hide some laxative in the dessert, it’s sure to keep your guests from lingering too long after the meal.

11) Be sure to stock up on toilet tissue if you choose suggestion #10

12) When all else fails, refer back to #3

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12 Responses to “Beagle’s 12 coping tips for Christmas”

  1. My Reality Says:

    Ok, number 3 sounds pretty good, but number 2 sounds totally amazing. I think I will have to try that!

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Love this.

    Bea

  3. annmarie Says:

    I love this too. I am making every effort to eat and drink to the max. And it shows, but it’s how I am dealing with stress this year. I like it…and I can easily put away a 6 pack of Seagram’s coolers in minutes.

  4. Ellen K. Says:

    #3 is working well for me so far.

  5. Thalia Says:

    I started on #3 last night and it’s working well so far.

    Oh how I wish I could do #7 at my inlaws on christmas day. would make the whole thing so much easier!

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Damn. Number two sounds amazing!

  7. Leggy Says:

    Very good list- I hope the next 10 days go by quickly and relatively painlessly for you.

  8. Lut C. Says:

    #3 #3 #3 #3

    *hickup*

  9. Starfish Says:

    This was hilarious. I think I´ll print it out and take it with me this Christmas

  10. Lori Says:

    #3 is my personal favorite and always worked like a charm. But #6 sure would do the trick too.

  11. The Trace Says:

    You have a fantastic way of phrasing things. This list cracked me up!!! I hope that the holidays aren’t too painful. Good luck!

  12. Pamplemousse Says:

    No.4 is my favourite! Merry Christmas, sweetie. Cape May looks gorgeous. Enjoy!

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