Happy New Year! Happy New Year?

Well, here we are. 2007.

I have so many thoughts bumping around in my head that I’m not sure where to start.

Maybe chronological will do.

To get a head start on 2007, I started back at WW. I hated to do it. It’s not like I can’t just follow the plan at home. But it’s true, the shame of the weekly witnessed weigh in is an extra incentive to stay honest. It feels so cult like to me, the whole meeting hype. But it works. So, I’ll sit through the weekly meeting as penance for my food sins if it will get my weight back under control.

Our family gathering was Saturday. It was fine actually. I learned a few new strategies to help me along. Firstly, help in the kitchen. It makes for a reasonable distraction, ingratiates you to the hostess and guess what? Annoying SIL never offers to help, so it’s a great way to avoid her altogether for a portion of the visit. After that we ate, which generally has even the most annoying person’s mouth busy. Then after the meal we opened gifts. And last and best of all played with the kids in another room. So, all in all I had some fun got nice prezzies and basically avoided the one person who gets under my skin the most. She did manage to annoy me indirectly by saying countless times how “big”, “heavy” and “meaty” my youngest niece is (the nice, hosting SIL’s baby) she even called her a butterball! Now that is not a compliment even when coupled with the word cute. I could have smacked her, but it’s not my baby so I let it go. She asked how much baby niece weighed and then proceeded to list her three kids weights at that age. (Her kids are preteen-teen and she can still list their weights and heights at every check up they ever had. That is a bit loony in my book.)

On a smug note, both of nice SIL’s kids like me more than they like yicky SIL and kids are a good judge of people. SIL would hold butterball baby and she’d start to cry. She passed her off to me, thinking it would prove the baby just had stranger anxiety and but my niece was laughing seconds after being passed to me and stayed happy in my arms. Ha! I may not be an ueber mom like goofy SIL, but babies like me better.

(I did quite well on the food front at this event.)

So, that’s another year of freakin’ Christmas done. Thank you Jesus!

I did also learn in the process that it was not half as bad as I had imagined and I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by not fretting for two months in advance.

Next was New Years Eve. We had a nice evening in with another childless (by choice in their case) couple. We ate nice food, chit chatted, played cards, watched the ball drop. Nothing too exciting but fun all the same.

New Years Day started off with a nice long sleep, followed by pancakes. Then a cuddle on the couch with a movie, then afternoon sex for fun not function and all was well in the beagle house. A few hours later I had a major crying spell because I just had this panic attack sort of experience where all my optimism and peace deteriorated into a deja vu of last year. I thought last year would be better. I thought last year would be our year, etc. And here I was thinking the same naive thoughts all over again and I was just overcome with the hopelessness of it all. I cried and cried and poor C. just held me until I could tell him what was wrong. I finally was able to blurt out: I’m just so scared this year won’t be any better. I can’t live through another year like this last one.

Anyway, a good cry always helps clear out some of the angst. But I’m still not quite sure how to approach this year. I want to be more optimistic. I want to stay realistic without being “negative.” I want to take charge of things minor and major. I want to reclaim my body and my health. I want to reclaim my joy. I want to become a mother one way or another. I just don’t know where to get the energy from other than to put one foot in front of the other until I march my way out of this hell we call infertility.

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14 Responses to “Happy New Year! Happy New Year?”

  1. Thalia Says:

    Ha! You discovered my patented ‘help in the kitchen’ manouvre. I’ve been doing it ever since I was a shy child, and it works every time. And people love you for it, such a con.

    I don’t know what to say about 2007 either, except it’s a lot easier to think about it one step at a time than as a whole year all together.

  2. Kristi Says:

    2006 may not have been your year, but 2007 has just begun. I hope it’s your time, finally, Beagle, to become the mother you were meant to be.

  3. MoMo Says:

    Beagle…I hope 2007 is indeed different. As Thalia said, it is easier to think of it one day at a time..versus an entire year. Happy New Year–wishing you only the best!

  4. The Trace Says:

    I do the ole stress and make myself anxious up to said excursion only to learn that it’s not that bad also. I wish you all the luck in 2007. Have you decided if you are going to pursue adoption?

  5. Lut C. Says:

    That reminds me of something I read today:

    Q: How do you eat an elephant?
    A: One bite at a time?

    I’m glad the evasive manoeuvers worked at the family gathering.

  6. Millie Says:

    Here’s to 2007, one step at a time. Wishing you a good one.

  7. Bea Says:

    Ah yes – the “help in the kitchen” trick. A good one, that. Sounds like the even went well after all, although I’m not sure it will stop you fretting prior to the next one, even though you know it isn’t logical to do so. Fingers crossed, hey?

    One step at a time sounds like a good policy. I certainly can’t think of anything better.

    Bea

  8. Shop Girl Says:

    Oh Beagle, I’m sorry. You deserve happiness, and you never know how it will materialize sometimes. I hope you have a fabulous 2007.

  9. Portlairge Says:

    Sounds like you got the family thing down- stay away from evil SIL. Happy New Year Beagle. I hope it’s better than 2006 for you.

  10. GLouise Says:

    Glad you survived “family time.”

    I can relate to your comment: “I want to reclaim my joy.” I am hoping that we all can find a little joy in this new year…

  11. serenity Says:

    I just discovered the “kitchen” maneuver as well over the holidays too!

    I agree with Thalia 100%. Perhaps the best way to approach this year is take it a day, an hour, perhaps even a minute at a time. It’s so overwhelming otherwise.

    *hugs* I wish I had words to tell you how much I am hoping that this is your year, hon.

  12. Carol Says:

    O yes, I love the kitchen during a family gathering.

    I hope 2007 brings you better news.

  13. Starfish Says:

    Glad you holiday season was a good one (especially Cape May – so jealous of that one). My SIL was her usual annoying self too but I managed to keep my tongue at bay.

    Here’s definitely hoping 2007 is the “year of the Beagle”. I’m rooting for ya!

  14. Anonymous Says:

    I’m new to both infertility and blogging, but I just wanted to say that your post hit home w/ me in a big way. I’m trying to tell myself that good things are in store for us in 2007, yet I am terrified that come next Dec., I will just be saying the same thing again about 2008. I, too, am walking the tightrope between optimism and reality, trying to be hopeful yet realistic–without being negative. I hope 2007 brings peace and happiness to you.

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