Keeping busy in the meantime

I have been reading your posts, but not keeping up as well as I normally would. I am trying to read as much as I can on the topic of adoption, specifically domestic/open adoption. I’m overwhelming myself a bit but it’s also giving me something to focus on other than failed fertility and a delayed cycle.

I just read Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff. This was a very interesting read. It’s not all touchy feel-y happy but it’s in no way anti-adoption either, it just addresses things our PC culture is not willing to say out loud. It’s one woman’s very real, very candid, account of what her experience has been. And through it all it is very clear that she loves her son.

I am now reading A Love Like No Other by Pamela Kruger and Jill Smolowe
This one is a collection of essays on the topic of adoption, representing many different points of view, types of adoption, etc.

And in bits and pieces I am alternating between these three:

*The Ultimate Insider’s Guide to Adoption: Everything You Need to Know About Domestic and International Adoption by Elizabeth Swire Falker

*The Unofficial Guide to Adopting a Child by Andrea DellaVecchio

*Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter by Nelson Handel

For fun/book club I am listening to The Other Boleyn Girl on my mp3Player.

As an aside: I just treated myself to an iPod after my cycle failed. I have yet to master that device. I got really frustrated with it because I mainly wanted to use it to listen to audio books. Well, I can buy them from audible dot com or the like but the free ones I can download from my library are not iPod compatible, only mp3 compatible. (The aforementioned frustration came from the fact that nowhere was this incompatibility spelled out). So I also bought a $40 mp3 player which kind of has me wondering why I need the $250 iPod anyway, other than to be one of the cool kids!

I’ve never really been one of the cool kids.

In other news I am starting something new next week. I will be volunteering at a preschool one morning a week. I will need to juggle my actual work schedule around this but hey, I have lot’s of practice with that!

One of the things that hit me like a ton of bricks, while filling out our adoption application, is this: we have no non-relative kids in our life. No friends with small kids, no kid contact at all. Partly this is due to our age (many of our friends with kids are sending them off to college now) and partly this is due to infertility. We have most definitely gravitated towards other kid free people in the past four years. I felt like a bit of a misfit when I realized I couldn’t really name a reference that was a non-relative and has seen us interact with kids!

Now volunteering at a preschool won’t give me a reference (not since I want to mail my application asap!) But it just triggered some thoughts about how I can fill that kid gap in my life until I have my own. Not because I need a reference but because I need an infusion of joy in my life. Kids bring with them a certain kind of joy. That carefree approach to life that is all play all the time.

(Now I know those of you who have kids are rolling your eyes! Hey, think about it: I will only see these kids four hours a week. Chances are they’ll save their tantrums for Mommy and Daddy at home!) This may seem like a crazy idea, but I’m going with it for the moment. I’m thinking of it as the adoption version of prenatal classes. Yesterday was to be my first day, but due to a snow delay we will try again next week.


13 Responses to “Keeping busy in the meantime”

  1. Leggy Says:

    I’m glad to see you making progress on the adoption front. You really seem to be doing better emotionally- I know its been a really rough few months for you. Sometimes the best thing to do is to plod forward. And I admire you for the pre-school thing- not sure I could have handled that pre-kids.
    You’re always welcome to come hang out with The Cutie Pie if you need a non-relative kid in your life.

  2. Lindy Says:

    I think it sounds like a great idea. Kids ARE fun. Sure, they’re also maddening at times, but that’s part of the whole experience.

    And I’ll ditto Leggy’s offer – you are more than welcome to come on down to B-more and hang out with my two!

  3. GLouise Says:

    Thanks for the book references! You sound really good in this post.

    Volunteering at the preschool sounds like a neat idea. We used to volunteer in our church nursery until infertility made me too sad. Maybe we will venture back in. 😉

  4. Carol Says:

    I loved The Other Boleyn Girl. Of course I didn’t realize before I picked it up – that the whole story is basically about fertility. After I read it I kept teasing J that maybe he would have to have me beheaded because I couldn’t get pregnant.

  5. Margo Says:

    ailI think that volunteering at a preschool is a great idea. It’s great that you are making progress with the adoption stuff!

  6. My Reality Says:

    I hope that you really are doing as good as you sound in this post.

    I don’t think I could deal with other people’s kids when I want my own, so you are stronger than I am.

    I am glad you are making progress on the adoption front.

  7. Hopeful Mother Says:

    Beagle, I think the preschool idea is a great one – and you’re right – it is like a prenatal class for adopting parents. Should be a fun experience with lots of stories to tell, I’m sure.

    Regarding the iPod, I think you should be able to “rip” your MP3s inside of the iTunes program in order to put them on your iPod. When you download the MP3s from the library, save them on your computer, and then use iTunes to “import” them or “add to library.” I think that should work…

    p.s. I wore the earrings you gave me again today. Thanks!

  8. Millie Says:

    Look at you go!

    I really like A Love Like No Other. One of the editors is a friend of a friend and I’ve given it to several friends.

    I think the volunteering is a great idea. I find that an easy way to be around kids that doesn’t hurt as much.

    One of the “bonuses” of being the last in our infertility support group to have kids is that we have friends with kids. And one is writing a reference for our adoption.

  9. Robin Says:

    As a preschool teacher I am so glad that you are going to volunteer! You are totally going to enjoy yourself and fall in love with the kids. What a great idea!

    I think I remember that you are a runner? I am correct an MP3 player would better suite you anyway. IPODS have their memory boards right in them and all that shaking = no good, broken $249.00 IPOD.

    My husband and I were just at the book store and were very disappointed in their selection of adoption books so thanks for the recommendations. I think I am going to check out the library too.

  10. Bea Says:

    I think the preschool idea is great. You’re right – you drift away from parents with children in this game. Time to “skill up” a bit before it all happens.


  11. Chas Says:

    I have a kid, but I think your decision to work at the preschool is a good one. I worked in a preschool for a long time, and those kids definitely will bring a smile to your face. Good luck with your decision!

  12. Chas Says:

    Oh, and The Other Boleyn Girl is one of my favorite books! I love all of her books.

  13. steph Says:

    That’s a lot of freaking reading. Don’t overload on too much information!
    Just catching-up, again, and sorry to hear about the negative. I don’t care how many times you hear it, it always hurts.

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