WIHTH #6 (Brace yourself for a downer)

WIHTH #6: This time of year has me drowning in sad memories.

This time last year:

First there was this pathetic glimmer of hope.

Then crushing disappointment and buckets of self pity. (not my finest moment in blogging)

Then to top things off, a week later, the powers that be kicked me while I was down and took away even more. (so forgive me god, God, Allah, Buddah . . . if “this little light of mine” don’t shine so bright right now.)

And then there is non-IF holiday pain:

Less than a week before Christmas about* 1 decade ago my husbands mother died much too young, unexpectedly and tragically

On the very day of Dec. 25, almost* 2 decades ago my Opa, my closest grandparent, died.

So it’s not all about picture perfect lit Christmas trees and stockings hung with care. It’s about loving those around you and grieving those who aren’t. Both those who actually lived and died and those who simply never came to be.

This WIHTH is not uproariously funny and if you came here for my usual sarcastic wit, I appologize. But this is the real WIHTH. I know I am too consumed with the losses right now to focus on the blessings. The blessings do exist. I’m just not sure how Thankful I can be one week from today. Maybe it’s enough to just be present and save the thanks for next year.

*I know each of these dates, and even the hours, by heart. I am choosing to be vague here for my own sake.

4 Responses to “WIHTH #6 (Brace yourself for a downer)”

  1. Pamela Jeanne Says:

    I’m trying really hard not to relive the Thanksgiving dinner we had to cancel hosting because our last IVF cycle landed right in the middle of the Thanksgiving week. It started out being a hopeful holiday with us fantasizing about how we would prepare for the next Xmas with our new little one(s)and turned out to be an empty soon afterwards. These two end-of-year holidays will be forever associated with hope dashed to smithereens.

  2. Christine Says:

    I’m so very sorry that this is a sad time for you. How is the domestic adoption going?

  3. shlomit Says:

    i don’t know where the heck i’ve been but i’ve just read your last few posts and i think we have a bit too much in common..lol!?!?!!!! except i’m jewish and you’re funnier! lol!
    btw, are you dutch? german? afrikaans? just wondering cos i grew up with an opa and oma, too (dutch)…
    hang in there…

  4. shlomit Says:

    oops…i just realized i posted this under a kind of sad post…sorry for the incongruity…i do feel for you…it’ll get better, my new friend, it really will…

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